blog of a superhero.

A Rare Date

2007-11-24T01:00:00.001-08:00

Bee Movie was mediocre. It was not as good as i had expected. We ate before leaving the house but succumbed to temptation when we past Carl's Jr. I thought the addition bacon was negligible. Who knows if they really added them? It was 2 pathetic pieces even after the addition. Proved that I was right. We saw kids playing on these rides that works like the toy horse that the Duke has in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Very cute.

Christmas decos are up and glimmering away. My favourite festive season of all time. We seem to have rain in place of snow. I wanted to look for this pretty candy shop i saw in the mag that has got awesome deco but i cant remember the name of the shop and we gave up. Its been a long time since we went out like that and have some fun. :D

Thailand 2008

2007-11-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

I thought I bought alot of stuff but actually I didnt. I was appalled when I reached home and realised that my mom and cousin bought more stuff than I did. It felt like a total wasted trip. We didnt have fun and I didnt really make full use of the trip which was to buy as much as I can. But my boy was the worst among all. He had to carry the heavy shopping bags as it accumulates throughout the day. And all he bought was a pair of shoes. Oh well, at least it was very nice! (: Thanks to my sharp observsation.

I'm officially out of job and running out of cash. I feel so embarrassed. They said they'll schedule me in and gimme a ring but its been a week. I feel like an eejit. I have to start looking for other jobs fast.

Sudden Attack

2007-10-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

After working once at IC, uncle stan didnt call me back anymore. Its amusing. So i've been giving tuitions. Its a great way to earn money. So, no complains. School's been good, i've been doing well. I'm happy with what i'm doing as well. I finally like what i'm studying. Funny how things work out.

Holidays's approaching and the students want to stop tuition. I'll have to find a part time job. But before all that i'll have to focus on exams first.

Arvin invited both of us for his birthday and i was quite shocked. I thought it would be awkward but it turned out quite okay. His girlfriend was really sweet but she's really absent-minded, in a really hilarious way. Who would leave the present in the cake bag?

Anyway, she told me about Smitten and i got a copy today. I'll probably sign up for the membership. Shall start on my database proj now. Till the next century, take care.

So long

2007-08-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

Bbq last week was fun. Am glad we finally met up and caught up with each other. School has started more than a week already and I've kind of adapted to the schedule.

Will post photos of the bbq when my fingers are slightly more active. I feel so weird typing here. I have not typed so many words in a long time. I'm starting to dread tuition but I'm gonna stick with it for the money.

So far school's been good. Hopefully it stays this way.

Friday

2007-06-01T00:35:00.000-07:00

The heavy rain made me wake up really late this morning. Okay, maybe not morning. More like afternoon. I think i didnt mention it in the last entry but daddy's got me a new lappie! Its super cool and its super fast! No more snail speed. I'm so damn happy!

Tomorrow's a real special day cause its the 2nd! Hehe. Happy one year darling. xoxo

I'm so sad we cant play mj with Carl tonight. All because of my stupid cousin. She got her phone lost and we have to accompany her down to look for mom to check out phones for her. Blaaaaaaaaaa.

Oh yes Lik, I was working at Serene Centre's on my first day but I dont know when I'll be working again. Waiting for the boss to call me. (:

Worked up

2007-05-25T05:41:00.000-07:00

Its my first day at IC. I wouldnt say its fun cos I spent most of the time trying to get a hang on say, EVERYTHING. Everytime I turn there's something new I need to know. I felt so lost. Oh well, but I guess its the same for everybody on their first day eh.

It wasnt as easy as I thought. Damn, I have a bruise on my palm now. Been digging too much rock hard ice cream. HA. Today should be labelled as my FIRST TRY DAY. Had tuition with my very first student. And guess what, she stays really near me so I could walk to her place. Saved me the transport fee. (:

Mjed with May the other day and I lost so much that at the end of it I was "poor like a dog". HAHA. I shall take my revenge tomorrow. I will win!

not dead

2007-05-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting for my darling to finish the dishes before going down to get some stuff for mommy. And btw, though she wont be reading this, happy mother's day mommy. Sam's sending me crazy taxi and its taking really long. Two hrs have gone by and its not done yet.

My contract at PIL is terminating this 24th. I'm pondering what new job to get. Selling ice-cream looks fun. And sad to say I'm financially independent for months now and it really sucks. I havent got the chance to register for driving YET. ARGH. I really miss school.

Anybody that can recommend me some students that needs tuition? I charge really affordable prices! (:

Aights. Gonna go now.

Salad.

2006-12-21T01:15:00.000-08:00

HOLA! Please do not make the missing report or you'll embarrass yourself Josh cause there's nothing wrong with me and actually I'm living quite a fine life now. HAHAHA. Nah, I wish I am.

How bout lets let pictures do most of the talking for prom?

We missed most of the dishes cause we were having a drink with Mr Bala at the bar. I have to admit Meritus Mandarin was not as bad as I have expected. Went back to Chong's old place to change before heading down to DXO. Lucky for us his place is near the hotel not so far from DXO as well. Sam had her fingers slammed by Chong's wooden door. It was not so bad to the extent we had to cancel DXO but it was pretty bad. Her palm was swollen and all.

DXO was seriously overrated. The band performance? Well, the music is good, the singing? HMMMMM... Graham was like high when he was dancing. This boy, he's good. (: Stupid Daryl had to make Wans dance for the bottle of vodka. I got into trouble cause Wans dragged me in. Imagine the whole club staring at us. Just the both of us on the floor.. it was CRAZY. And the worst thing? We didnt win. Some break dancers did. They offered to share the bottle but we didnt in the end.

We had more fun when we returned to his empty home after supper at spize. Drinking game and drunk confessions. Sam running away and Chong's extra cautious when he is high. I LOVE THEM!

Enough of prom? Lets move on.

Oh yes. Daryl's birthday party cum bbq at his house was funfunfun as well. We had the chance to mingle around people we knew of but didnt know personally. How weird it is to get to know them only after graduation? Ness the cook was busy bbqing and I TELL YOU she is probably, okay no prolly, most definitely the best cook I know. We played blackjack and Sam shot her mouth off after too many drinks. (insert evil look) We had a ride in Micheal's duper cool car. Talked cock, JIOMED, listen to Graham's ever so true love analysis. Seriously, noone beats him in the cute factor when he had a drink too many.

Solved some issues that night and it feels really good. Something off my chest. :D

The most recent meet up was at Sam's house. Beer to go with steamboat and the best company you can ever ask for. Cheers to those that took care of the drunk! P.S. ME! Sam actually wrapped the wantons. HAHAHA. And it was really good. Lets do it again real soon!

It's not possible to type down everything that happened so I guess this will do. READ TILL YOUR EYES DROP!

I so need to register myself up for driving and FIND ANOTHER JOB next year. Have to be fast cause next year's coming quick.

OH YES AND TH! If there's any X'mas reunion can we not make it on the eve cause I've gotta work. I miss you guys. MEET UP SOON!

TATA!

xoxoxo,
ME.

When 2 become 1. (:

2006-10-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

Happy monthsary to you too sir. (:

Although we spent the day, okay not exactly a day, more like 3 hours together waiting for furnitures to be removed again, I still enjoy your company nevertheless.

Thank you for the mango pomelo sago! I'm surprised you still remember it. The pomelo is really bitter but what matters most is not the taste that lingers in the mouth but the small gesture that really made my day. :D To me, it was sweet as saccharine.

Qing' celebration!

2006-09-24T07:34:00.000-07:00

As promised! (:

We had a belated birthday celebration for Qing on Friday. I didnt join them for the spree and movie because of my sore eye. It was very bad on Thursday night. It was a long story. All thanks to my grandma with a VERY, really, seriously, ultimate dusty vase my eye was so sore it looked like a slit.

Anyway, after going to the doctor's I had to go to Bishan to watch my furnitures being removed. Oh well. Am I glad we finally sold the house.

Okay, going back to the celebration. I joined them for dinner at some italian restaurant near kiliney road. T'was quite a pretty and serene place with great ambience. The food was pretty good too. I promise pictures once I could receive the file from Qing.

Sheesha-ed after dinner. Walked all the way from the restaturant to somewhere near Rendevous Hotel. My first time. Honeydew is definitely favoured over cherry. (: We had beer and caught up with everyone's lives. Havent had the chance to do it due to the hectic schedule.

Checked out Lime's flea market yesterday. It was not as good as I thought it would be. But there are certain stalls with really pretty accessories. I would have gotten them if I had the cash. ): I was approached to have my picture taken for Nov issue of Lime mag. How flattering. (: My bad cramps and thus my bad mood swings kind of dampened the day though.

Didnt went down to support bra's dragonboat competition cos I had a late lunch and the weather was looking very threatening then. I hope he won!

My poor boy has very bad diarrhea. I miss him. ):

Wont be updating often until the BIG A's is over. Till then, miss me!

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

2006-09-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

I like the way I look in your eyes.

Go get the shoes baby! A pair of shoes can't go in between the both of us. Money can always be earned again. I admit I was selfish and didnt want to use the money in the account. But everyone deserves a treat now and then and I've been getting whatever I want although you're the one who deserves rewards more!

You're a better person than I am. And when you're with me, you make me a better person. (:

Elevated to a higher level.

2006-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Sing like no one's listening.

Dance like no one's watching.

Work like you don't need the money.

Live each day as if it was your last.

Love like you've never been hurt before.

I'm very glad that we're spared from a torturous period and some credits go to the lines above. :) Hopefully the rough patch is over and everything will go smoothly ahead. I am what I am because of what had happened before. I really hope that you will understand and do not get so frustrated when I repeat my questions over and over again. I worry too much, that I know. And some of them are uncalled for, like worrying over things that might not even happen. But all these happened because I... ya you know. (:(:

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to meet Koozee and maybe SY and Bra tomorrow to study and have dinner together. I apologise for mia and standing you up previously.

Yay, I love to study at you-know-who-you-are-and-why-you-love-that-branch's favourite coffee bean. Teehee.

Okiedokie. Off to brush my pearly whites and get back to a little more revison before hitting the sacks.

Oh yes! And btw, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE QINGQINGQINGQINGQING!

Woo. Don't you think time just wooops by? I remember wishing you the same old thing last year! Felt like it was yesterday. Ahhh, ya, I know your birthday's yesterday. Oh no, are you confused?

You'll always be, my lurvvveeee, my valentine. (:

Fucked up day.

2006-09-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

Nobody said it was easy

Its such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

How now, brown cow?

2006-09-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

You are truly super!

Now there was no need to panick over re-typing the whole report cos Yan fixed it up today! No words can describe my joy. Whew. It's like a heavy load lifted off my chest now that I've finally got the report burned in words format. Thank you love!

I missed chem remedial today cos I could not wake up. Imagine sleeping that late, its hard to pull myself out of the bed that early. Okay, it was not that early, but still...

I've been having a lot of thoughts lately. I am starting to doubt if going to a jc had been the right choice for me. I know its definitely not the time to think about that now. Its crucial period now and its too late to regret right now. I just hope I can pull through this. Seriously, I cant wait for it to end. I guess all I can do now is try to give it my best shot. If I aim for the stars and could not reach them in the end, at least I'll end up among the clouds ey?

Its my choice and its really high time I learn to be responsible about the route I've chosen to take.

YAY, a post to encourage myself.

I'm hooked onto class 95. :D Alright, back to work before my master starts his ranting!

Oh yes, please, would any kind soul inform me of any flea market going on? I will really appreciate it! (:

Will you still love me tomorrow morning?

Screwed up.

2006-09-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

This is so screwed up. Qing passed me the Mircrosoft Office disc today and I installed it in the laptop. After that I wanted to install it in the computer as well but somehow its not working. And the window that popped up after the installation in the laptop says that the program is already installed in some other computer, I know I may not sound very bright but HOW THE FUCK DID THE COMPUTER FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?

And it states that I can only use the office programs for another fifty times if I do not register it online. CRAP. Although I was pretty annoyed by that already, something worse had to happen. Because I could not install it on the computer there was no way to save the microsoft works data into microsoft word. SO NOW, I HAVE TO FREAKING RETYPE MY WHOLE BLOODY REPORT THAT IS 2000 WORDS LONG. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I wonder if this is my retribution for not studying hard. No obvious connection but I'm pushing it into that account whenever something bad happened, it must be because I didnt study hard enough. ):

Prata at the Prata House yesterday left me feeling very contented. A nice wet weather with a psychology book and a long bus ride with a warm embrace was perfect. (:

I'm so glad we sorted out so many issues last night. Putting in efforts is important but just relax and let loose and not be so uptight aites?

So I guess she will be loved. :)

The tv's spoilt.

2006-09-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

The tv's spoilt. Not mine though. And the repairman is taking such a long time. I am bored. He is more interested in watching the man fix the tv and getting so fascinated by the freeze screen than me.

I am supposed to be studying biologyyyy. But I really have no clue what is excretion, nervous system and the works of kidney all about. I shall go try again after this short entry.

Its been looking at you before my eyes shut and looking at you again when they open. Sighhhhhhhh. Not complaining though.

How is it I am so happy even though I feel that I have no life?

I'm out.

I love rock and roll.

2006-09-01T01:49:00.000-07:00

How sad it is to know that there are people who reads blog to find out about their friend's life but never bother talking or catching up with the person? What is wrong with showing that you care?

Koozee, if you're reading this, shall we study some day next week at gardens bean? I need to get started somehow.

I went back to zhss yesterday. Sadly the purpose was not to visit the teachers, but anyway most of them that had taught me had left anyway. I was back to meet up with TH and people from e7 thought not a lot of them went back. We went opposite to have Tom Yam noodles. Ah, those good old times.

How silly it is of you to get upset over that? You know they dont mean a thing. Looking forward to tomorrow. (: How fast does time fly.

BUSTED!

2006-08-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

BUSTED! Caught with $254 left in my bank account when it started off with $1254 hardy four months ago. And the money I spent do not include my monthly pocket money. Mom seemed too shocked to get angry. She's like losing grip, cant seem to handle me well anymore. She's panicking and I feel so bad.

Okay. I tell you whats the situation like right now. Allow me to quote the most perfect man ever "By next yr, at this period of time you will have no life, like me now. Haha." Oh man. Brings back memories of smiles that makes numerous knees buckle and those killer dimples.

Its so tense. Its like war. Everyone's fighting and preparing themselves for the upcoming combat. And I just stand there, rooted on the same spot, completely lost. You wouldnt know how scary that feeling is.

WHY DID I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS? I SWEAR I WILL NEVER HATE ANYTHING AS MUCH AS EXAMS. AND I WANNA SAY IT LOUDLY AND PROUDLY EXAMS DO NOT INDICATE HOW SMART YOU ARE, JUST HOW PREPARED YOU ARE.

Forgive me for the whines. This steam needs to get out somewhere.

Okay, shall go bath now and start on CHEMISTRRRYY. So excited. ):

At least I know I'm happy now.

2006-08-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

Chem mock today was a total disaster. Argh. Bite me. I felt so stupid arriving in school thinking I was early and realised my paper's not at 8am but 2pm and I woke my darling WANS up. An inside out kukoo.

I wonder why is it I used to think having a "happening" lifestyle will make me feel happier, make my life feel fuller. I realised its true that when I club I get escatic but the day after and the days after just leave me feeling more empty than ever. It became an addiction.

And then just like the way it came (with no firsthand warning at all), its gone. Now I feel happy just taking long bus rides, leaving my poor bumass numbed and doing nothing all day long but feeling like I've got everything I want and need. I did not meant for it to sound icky and eeky and mushy and all but I guessed I had enough angry/sad/disappointed/crushed/put anything negative here entries.

Its not to make people who feel empty to feel worse. I wish I could put it into words about how one day everything will be better. Although its hard to believe, trust me, I know its hard, but it really will be.

I'm really thankful for all the things you did. Those with huge impact, those dramatic moving shit, down to all the tiny gestures like packing my room, packing my worksheets, buying the stupid tingting sweet that spoils our teeth (YOU KNOW HOW PARTICULAR WE ARE ABOUT OUR TEETH CONDITIONS RIGHT RIGHT) and massaging my stinky feet on the damn bus (HAHAHA! Sorry if I put you down as a MAN here). And many many many many more.

I think I'll just settle down right here at this port. The sea may be never ending but who knows when I will find another one that makes me feel as complete as this. (:

I swear I will not change in the taxi again with my arms put into my sleeves and looking like a damn ***** trying to squeeze into a condom.

Oh leen O!

2006-08-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

My laptop's once again cradled comfortably in my arms. ;) All the downloading work to keep spyware and virus far away from it has exhausted my last bit of energy. Bio today was, lets just say, beyond me. Maths was not that bad, hopefully I can pull through it.

I wanted to download some pretty fonts but I forgot the website to it. And did I mention? Time flies. Its like I barely get a glimpse of the blue blue sky before its dark again. One thing I know it was Monday and the next thing I know, the weekend lies ahead. Not much time for procrastination but a procrastinator always manage to put time in for that. (:

Life's been good. I am receiving plenty of love but too little rest. Not complaining though.

And between you and me, hehehe.

I miss my laptop.

2006-08-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was tired of my mundane life until I met you.

I finally lugged my laptop down to HP centre. Okay so maybe I'm not the one who lugged it but thats not the point. Sch's been good. All lifeless and boring but all's good cos I totally expected it! (:

I'm finally getting my Agnes B padlock necklace! Words can't describe my joy.

Shit man. This blog's going down. I kinda hate going to school now cos of some disgusting shithole. Argh. GP mock tomorrow.

MIAo MIAo.

2006-08-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hello, I didnt lose my password. I was too lazy to blog. Although I've been wanting to say this for a long time. I havent enjoyed myself so much for at least half a century and THANK YOU for the Keds and the wonderful wonderful day. Not today, you know which day. (:

Everytime when I sit myself down and want to start on an entry I just feel so sleepy. I've got to say the situation is still the same right now. So I'm typing with a heavy head and half my consciousness.

Okay, so finally I lost. Not only have you made your presence known and familiar, you've made your absence unbearable.

I've always secretly hoped I'll lose one day. Fail to predict what will happen correctly somehow. I guess this will be the one and only bet I want to lose so much.

Ouch.

2006-07-21T02:30:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you in what ways we are different right now. I'm putting on a front while everything's just torn up inside. While you are trying to act all torn up inside when inside, you are perfectly fine.

I guess I would never understand why you would wanna do something yo hurt someone you love. Unless you dont really love that someone? I've been trying to find an answer but cant seem to find it anywhere. So I guess maybe there isnt any answer to this question of mine. I'll stop searching then.

This is hard but I know it'll get easier. (:

Hardest Goodbye.

2006-07-20T01:06:00.000-07:00

If you can live with or without it, then okay, live without it.

Life is filled with disappointments. Just when I thought it would work, it didnt. So okay, I guess my initial speculation was right. Why did I even thought of stopping down? Somehow I always get it right and I hate it.

How come your attitude and your words contradict each other so?

Okay nevermind. I thought I just heard something broke. Oops.

Its back to sinful indulgence.

Random yet again.

2006-07-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

I cant tolerate the fact that there are people out there who TAGS on people's blog, regardless of whether they know them or not, since they would rather their identities be anonymous. And the one thing I really despise is people who brings up families or parents of the blogger. If you think what you say is right and honourable, why couldnt you just leave your name? Such behavior is simply put the one of a disgusting cowardice.

I had wanted to post a cheery entry on Superman. Oh my, dont he just blows everyone's mind off? Not only because of his dashing looks/physique ahhhh everything but also that of his heroic acts. Somehow heroes never go out of fashion.

Oh yes, and I finally caught up with Celest after such a long time. Chilled out at Wheelock's Starbucks and I thought t'was a nice chill-out place. Talked a lot and I'm glad the both of you could click so well!

Anw Mei, somehow its not the like or not like factor thats the deciding factor anymore. Its more of the not daring to take the next step issue. Because somehow no matter how much assurance we get when they say everything will be the same we just know it will not be the same. Maybe not WILL not but the possibility of a MIGHT is scary enough to make me stay stagnant at this point. Then again some might argue if you truly love someone you'll be game for all of it. And thats the scariest thing of all; that you love someone so much that the decisions that you make might not be a rational one and might end up hurting both parties.

BUT THEN, love/relationships is all but a gamble. You win or you lose. Its just that right now, I dare not place any bets. The fear of losing is too daunting.

Should have said something but I've said enough.
By the way my words were faded, rather waste some time with you.
Should have done something but I've done enough.
By the way my hands were shaking, rather waste some time with you.

Mei's big day.

2006-07-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

This is a late update on Mei's birthday. I wanted to get her present on friday and ended up shopping for myself as well. Bought her the superman shirt from Queen's Couture cos I remembered she was gushing over superman to me the night before. Anyway we did our usual routine, which is gulping down half a bottle of vodka before heading down to zouk.

I have no idea what music they were spinning initially at phuture. I havent heard of them before. The music only started getting better rather late into the night. It was a dramatic night. Please dont ever do it again.

I decided to go to Sentosa with Mei's classmates on sat. It turned out to be quite fun. They sure had a lot of fun playing with the cake and whipped cream. But seriously the stench of butter, chocolate, cream and SWEAT wasnt that bearable. After bathing we had some drinks, yes vodka again, this is where the other half of the bottle comes in and finished a big bottle of TSING DAO as well. It was indeed not bad.

Headed down to MOS after that and we saw the oil barrel! Okay, I didnt want to call her that but code name you know. Discreet.(: I got pissed so early in the night and was puking and spinning my head in the toilet. I felt really bad. It wasnt even my birthday and I got drunk! Haha. Thank you Derek for offering to send me back. And thanks to YOU for sending me back.

France had better win tonight. Although I really do not want them to win but I got to think for the sake of my money. (: My mum just popped by and saw the pictures Sam sent me. The pictures of some HOT ITALY SOCCER TEAM MEMBERS IN SOME UNDERWEAR AD? And she thought I was browing through PORN. :/

Girl? Woman?

2006-06-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

This is so embarrassing. I didnt see the tag *** left me and I didnt read something else until yesterday evening. And I feel so bad for avoiding her cus I'm partly scared and partly still angry with her. HAHA. Shucks. When is she gonna read this entry I wonder.

Hoi, I bought a new top for your party already so please do not UN-invite me. :D

ANYWAY, I am very angry. I hate it when people take things for granted. Just go bang your head on the wall and die please!

Chem was utterly screwed up. I thought it was very unreasonable for the school to make us use a new sheet of paper for every question because I have really not much to write for each question. I am now burdened with one more sin. The destroying of the rainforests is partly my doing. Hell's not even bad enough for me. ):

I wanna get a digicam.I think I mentioned it 200 entries ago. And I still dont have it yet.

Okay, at this point I am really pissed off. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wont be surprised if people are starting to really ponder over what did life did to me to fill me with such angst. GRRRRR.

First time in my life.

2006-06-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life I got so drunk I puked. And although the feeling was really horrible beyond the capacity of any words put together can describe it. I felt warmth and comfort like I never had for a long time. Thank you for taking care of me although I know it must have been hard on you for cleaning my mess on your expensive shirt and holding my weight whenever I try to walk straight but end up in circles.

Sometimes it just feels very nice to have someone to take care of you.

It feels good to have someone being so proud of you.

And ___, I admit I was in the wrong for being angry although I was in fault cos I was late. But I'm really angry because sometimes I just cant take the way you doubt me. I was not lying that day and I felt really pissed off when I explained and you didnt believe me.

You get angry because I dont tell you things. But sometimes its just hard to do it because when I do so you get pissed at me as well. Whats wrong with me seeking companionship? I have never ever neglect you because of my relationship before. Okay except maybe for YM's case BUT what the fuck when you were with him you didnt make time for us as well. In fact we were so distant and I know you knew it.

Its not as if if I ever get into a relationship you will be less important. For me its doesnt work like this and it never will. If you dont give a shit or dont believe whatever I've said then I've got nothing more to say. I've said my piece.

I'm a lazy bummess.

2006-06-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a lazy bummess. My hobby is bumming around without any purpose and it makes me really carefree. No wonder the test says I'll die from my laziness someday. And my greatest weakness is sloth. Even a dumb quiz can detect that. It must be really bad.

I am so tempted to start O.C season 2 and finish watching it with lightning speed. Okay I shall do that now.

I'm so gonna flunk my mid years.

Kiss and tell.

2006-06-16T08:06:00.001-07:00

Celebrated a belated birthday for my dear Wans at Sam's place yesterday night. I feel bad. Cos while chatting with Sam on the way to her house I realised they have all been studying very hard while I've been partying like there's no tomorrow. Okay, after I typed that the guilt just really SANK in. OUCH.

Anw, I felt even more guilty for leaving so early. There was some miscommunication along the way and he arrived earlier than expected. Ness is such a taitai. Seriously her brownie melted my heart and the way she play mahjong. Whoa. Power girl. I left like 20s after Claudio arrived. And thank you Belle for the cherry ciggy.

On the cab the temptation just kicked in so we arrived at Double O looking very much underdressed. But like what was said, plain and nice right? (: The queue was a killer though and thankfully it was ladies night so free entry for me! Met Ken and all. I was too impatient and drank 4 tequila shots and a breezer in a row. Played games and ended up drinking tons of gin tonic. Danced and made new friends. And I'm sorry I made you cry. Okay, actually I'm secretly gloating deep down. I feel very evil.

Today was a bad day. I really felt like I was caught up in a drama. I dont think I will ever encounter such an event again. I'm sorry he got to know about me this way. But it could be a blessing in disguise. Okay nevermind I'm lost and I dont think anyone is following me up till this point.

My cousin got a mouth as BIG as the F*CKING hole in the ozone layer.

I must undergo rehabilitation. There seem to be a big "SINFUL" tattooed on my forehead. Suffer from spasm everytime songs like belly dancer come on after 10pm.

I didnt know people actually cared. And most of all I didnt expect concern from them since I wasnt even very close to them in the first place.

Dont care but care.
Stupid but clever.
Bad but good.

I like how everything is complementary. And I like the way we move around and manipulate the situation and the way one look can express a thought.

Okay, lets start experimenting with this label fashion. (:(:

And you remain a promise unfulfilled until the faith is built.

last party of the hols; DXO.

2006-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

Okay. I just typed this really LONG post and blogger got to do this to me. I'm not going to make it in time before the call. Argh.

I love sharing good news. Spread the joy you know. I finally watched X-Men3. I wouldnt say it was lousy but I thought part 2 was better. Persuaded bra to come along to the DXO party with Ze's help. I know he doesnt wanna go. Ze's not into clubbing and I dont see the point in forcing him to do something he does not enjoy.

So we met up with Alven and the rest at Cityhall. I was surprised to see so many of them there. I wasnt expecting ML, Elroy and Kelvin. Felt kinda awkward hanging around them while waiting for Kelvin to come. I was the only girl and it just felt weird. Mei and PC were in sentosa celebrating June's birthday and they were gonna be late.

After the torturous period of waiting with me trying to fit in but feeling so er weird Mei finally reached. Met them to finish the half a bottle of vodka that we bought last week. That secret place is pretty cool. (:

Saw quite a few familiar faces after getting in. People like Hwing, MC and even Grace Lee's eyecandy who is bald now! with some of his friends. I think I exclaimed TZ's name too loudly in my rather high state and I just felt like sticking my head into the toilet bowl when he asked me at the entrance of the loos if I called him just now.

The night was fine. Why is HE always involved in scandalous acts with her? Tsktsk. Well anyway, we should have just gone to Sherwyn's house for the night. Argh. Oh yes. I dont know if what I drank is considered a lot but after some operation c on top of the alcohol I almost blacked out outside the club. But instead of blacking out I lost my balance and fell into the plants and got a bad burnt on my arm. It looks like the mark that years ago prisoners get when they are being tortured after refusing to betray their side.

Mei totally lost her voice after the night and now she sounds like a frog when she tries to talk so she's whispering all the time. We decided to skip dance today and I FINALLY GOT MY TRAGUS PIERCED. While waiting we witnessed someone piercing her belly button and it bled a little. But she claimed that it doesnt even hurt as much as an injection. Woo, very tempting. Lets do it soon okay MEIMEI??

I wanted to talk more but I thought that would lead to information overload.

So you've made your presence known. Are you happy now?

karma? or fate?

2006-06-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

You said I was sent to punish you. Everything you have done upon others are now returned by me. Funny I like the way you talk. Funny how I actually secretly agree that we are similar in a way that its frightening. Our plights, so alike, our characters, so similar that we start fighting and end up laughing. What the hell is this?

W's gift for me was a throng of doubts for every opposite sex that I will encounter. And it is such a cold thought when I feel like I can predict the future with any of them. It will either end up with their feelings vanishing in an instant or old flames coming back to pull them back to where their hearts have always belonged. The second thought makes me feel nauseuous.

My suspicious mind tells me that there's still something for the last girl. But the way he plees and persist I was really this close to succumbing. So, I've decided I will not make such a stupid risk and I'll just find another one. Why not end it before it develops into something heart wrenching?

Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved.

Oh no no my diamonds, it doesnt work out that way. In actual fact, it is but a viscious cycle where hope builds up high, then come crumbling down and starts building itself up again. No risk, no hope, no crumblings. Safest way out. (:

DXO this sat. New sea, new fishes! (:(:(:

zouk.

2006-06-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Okay so here goes about zouk on friday. Did I mention before I love zouk? I really really do. So, i went to pc's house to drop my stuff. Mei and her were curling their hair when I arrived. Embarrassingly, I actually went to the wrong unit and knocked on the door. Luckily nobody was at home.

Anyway, the sight of them curling was hilarious. They wore gloves that made them look like durian sellers. HAHA. So we went off and hid our pe shirts that were over our actual tops in the unit below's outdoor cupboard, or whatever that is called.

We went to cityhall and after a bit of hoo ha we got our absolut vodka and the conclusion is it taste bad with coke and a lot better with orange juice. That was a shift in my perspective. After half the bottle is downed we were like flying high. So we crossed the road like crazy women and booked a cab down to zouk.

Another reason why I love zouk other than the music and okay crowd is that Elsie works there. Elsie is my auntie. She kept our vodka with her, otherwise it would have thrown away by the bouncers. Then she signed me in although supposedly you are not allowed to sign any guest in on fridays.

And then ya, the story goes on. We met funny and fun people. And operation c was a success. I think I enjoyed myself tremendously. Woo.

Celebrated Doug and SL's birthdays today. Was quite boring at first cause there were very little people. But dinner was fine cause there were more people.

Anw, I gotta go now. I know it may seems ridiculous because its 1.12am and I'm going to get my ass to liquid room. This is a girl gone astray. I think.

LETS HAVE SOME FUN!

PISSSSSS OFFFF

2006-05-31T00:15:00.000-07:00

Some bloody asshole is blasting off techno. I swear I'll skin him alive if I know which unit it is. Its seriously irritating the shit out of me.

Now, lets get on with more random lines.

Maybe I should work. I really wanna shop for some stuff. Oh no, I thought I just heard people going "BUT YOU JUST SHOPPED YOUR ARSE OFF IN BANGKOK!" All I got there were t shirts and belts and jeans. I need more jeans.

And I feel like swimming right now. But then again I dont feel like doing it once I think about the hassles of getting there and bathing and bad tan lines. ):

I feel so sad for not feeling the adrenaline rush although we are clubbing once again on fri.

Oh, the techno's gone. Shall end off here. The reason I start out this entry was just to jack the asshole. Although he cant hear me but ya, a form of vending my frustrations.

BOOHOO!

JUICY.

2006-05-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Words cant describe how bored I am. I need some stimulations. Even dancing could not spice things up. Although today's session is one of the best in weeks. I was early. And we saw seng kiat. Aiyo, dont know why become like that. Haha. Oops.

Even the tanning session tomorrow cant lift my spirits. Ahhhhhhhhh. And I dont know if I should do the nyaa shit.

Anw, we had sakae just now. And made fun of the new guys working there. Haha. It was pretty hilarious. Dont know what happened to Marche. All the entrances were blocked.

Aiya, I dont know what to say. Maybe I shall abandon this blog soon.

mos boos.

2006-05-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Boo to MOS. 'nuff said. I shall not be so mean as to start degrading. I'm so disheartened bout clubbing. AH. This is not good.

I cant decide whether I like the hols. I'll get too bored and start having wild imaginations again.

I really need someone to watch over the hedge and x-men3 with me. ): I cant believe all my friends have watched them and I havent!

I have so much to say but I dont know if I should say and I dont know where to start. Now I think love ballads should be banned. Cause when they start playing in a weather like that thoughts of love just kick in. And I just keep thinking about it and after a long time into it I realise there's no one I am really thinking of.

Even if I am thinking of someone I would really want to believe that I am thinking about him simply because there is no one else to think about. This is where I start to want to love for the sake of loving. If you know what I mean. I'm in love with love itself.

YUCKS. What is this emmmmoooooo entry about. ARGH. I am so screwed up.

I am disgusting.

liquid kitchen.

2006-05-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

I did not know that one could be so tired after a GP paper. I fell asleep immediately upon touching my bed and didnt even stir when my dad came home and got out again. I actually told mom that he didnt come back.

Was starving when I got up. And wow wow, who's the one thats hard to wake? I called grace like 3 million times and she didnt pick up the damn phone. Do I need to state the reason why? Haha.

Met sam, belle and wan at thomson for bar chor mee and headed to liquid kitchen after that. Grace and claudio met us up later on. Had great fun drinking, playing stupid games and chatting. I dont believe I tried it but I did indeed try it and though its upsetting to admit it I actually quite like it. AHH. Bad influence.

Dug out some dark secrets and claudio gets the most out the gossip eh. Heh. Okay I am tired and quite high and giddy at the moment. WE SHALL DO THAT AGAIN REAL SOON FRIENDS.

Sometimes I cant help believing in fate. Crap.

my eyelid had been twitching the whole day.

2006-05-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

Playing with the strings in a subtle manner. Ignite your curiosity then maintain a distance. Player. A good one as well.

My eyelid had been twitching all day long. Something good was supposed to happen.

Distract me so that my mind wont be on him.

Oh yes, I passed the guys their shopping items yesterday. We actually talked, like TALKED for quite a long time. Was quite taken aback. And I secretly suspect alven is my mysterious twin. HAHA.

No school for me tomorrow. Supposed to be happy. But I'm really stressed out by gp, which is on fri. Dont wanna flunk it. The only thing that makes me happy about tomorrow being a holiday is the fact that I can sleep in.

JOY TO THE WORLD!

back in action.

2006-05-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hello there. I am back from Thailand. Wont say I had hell loada fun but shopping is always one of the few top priorities so I guess I wont hide the fact that I am pretty happy with all THAT shopping. Although I would have been better if I bought more shoes and bottoms. But nehhhhhh, I shall not go into that.

I want a BF like NOW.

Pardon me. Its one of those fleeting crazy mood again.

Ahhhh, double d. Start the ball rolling.

I think I'm stuck in history. And everyone hates their own histories.

I was very late for dance today. You wont wanna know how late. I am pretty sure the teacher hates me and thinks I am some snobbish piece of thrash who thinks so highly of themselves when they are really, just thrash. BUT I AM NOT SNOBBISH. ):

And I had carls jr after dance. Meil was totally checking out this depressed looking guy behind us. We were like shooting our mouths off and laughing like witches whereas those three guys look so bored and depressed and they dont even talk! AT ALL!

I am once again hooked up with the gameboy. Mom got the gameboy SP. AHA. Okay shit, I am acting like a 5 yr old. But, who cares?

Life still goes on the way it does whether you ponder over it or not. So why bring yourself the headaches by thinking so much about it?

loose lips sink ships.

till the day you dont matter anymore.

2006-05-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

I cant wait for the day till you dont matter anymore.

I'm sure I'm sure I wont love you anymore.

Down with fever. The doc is puzzled. What caused the fever? He asked me. I thought he was the doctor?

Shop shop shop. Forget forget forget. Fall again.

I am missing the school's annual concert. I dont like missing out on school events cause there'll surely be juicy gossips. And I wanna watch the dance performance!

No time for hide and seek or deja vu.

I sound like a schizo

Whatever.

for the old flame.

2006-05-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

Did someone ever tell you you've got a mouth that cast powerful spells? Words from you can make the most rational person irrational.

But, we'll see who gets the last laugh. Hmmm. Hehe.

And mei, same horoscopes doesnt mean I cannot get him so I fell for *******. Okay, I didnt exactly fall. Maybe t'was just a trip. ;)

Two hours of dance instead of one to make up for the previous lesson we missed. Very tiring but exhilarating at the same time. Cant help loving it. More to come. (:

Who do you think you are. No, you dont deserve the loving.

Rarr.

(:

2006-05-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

I am exuding joy. I love you people.

Had a wonderful time celebrating bra's birthday yesterday. Hopefully the celebration went well enough to make up for last year's as well la huh? (: Went to catch a movie but we spent a hell lot of time just talking and laughing. Hard to believe these are the people I have hung out for such a long time and yet the friendship is still going strong. Aiya. So cliched. But cliches are reflective of reality. Watched a horror movie. Yes I actually watched it. But most of the time I was hiding under mei's jacket.

The guys had a great time laughing at us. Had dinner at glasshouse. There seem to be a mysterious link between birthdays and the glasshouse. I am supposed to be uploading the pictures now. Including those we took on kelvin's birthday but koozee's not online like he promised. ):

My head's buzzing with excitement cause I'm about to write down my shopping list for Bangkok. Oh wee. And I got the faded red converse shoes. :D

I think Liverpool will win. ((((:

And I am going to study for SPA after the shopping list and checking of new bands and new songs. YAY. I feel full. If thats the word for the contrary to empty. (:

Yixi's gonna have a speedy recovery!

Had a good time with GGG+chong at newton circus as well. Oyster omelette(what did they say about it? Aphrodisiac. Hmmm..) although I didnt have the oysters but only the omelette it still made me feel good, carrot cake, STINGRAY and corona to end the meal with. OH! And phad thai, tom yam soup, green curry for lunch. Could it have been better?

Shopping with mei for mother's day presents tomorrow. Sometimes life just couldnt get better. Ahhhhhh....

the glow of love.

2006-05-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

Look at you. Look at that glow on your face. Love is in the air. (:

If I were to step down from my bubble of fantasy, I would most definitely feel the full force of the harsh reality.

Opportunity dont always knock twice.

Its not enough. Uhuh, give me more.

boredom is the root to all evil.

2006-05-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

Lets have a deal. I'll put you at the back of my mind and you stay there, period. How bout that? Lets just cut this misery short shall we?

Boredom is the root to all evil. When you're bored, all the nonsensical rubbish that should not be in your head just start creeping in there and you know thinking too much is bad. It makes nothing turns into something and something small turns into something big and something good turns into something bad.

I miss my hair. ): Somehow I just want it to grow magically over the night so its long again tomorrow.

I'm sad, but I cant pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe the mundane life is taking its toll on me.

I wont go. I wont sleep. I cant breathe, until you're resting here with me.

forgotten.

2006-05-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

Mei is right. When I dont like someone, every single small thing he or she does or say just irritates me. Or is it like that for everyone? You are scaring me. Really.

I do not want to be sucked into another situation like that ever again. Can you stop pulling me closer to it?

I dont want to be so easily affected by happenings around me. It feels like I am involved in everyone's battles. My mind is battled. I wish I would stop troubling myself over troubles that are not even my own. But then again, I wont know whether that will make things better or worse.

I'm sorry I took so long to come up with that. I was blinded by my own selfishness. Truly sorry. I dont expect your forgiveness. Just want you to know I am truly sorry.

Mei's right about something else too. Bliss comes in less blissful forms. I am blessed by the right things from the wrong person.

Woo. I feel good. Relieved actually.

Thin line between corny and sweet. Step carefully.

Goodnight world. (:

listen to this.

2006-05-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

This is going downhill. Increasing disgust each day. Summon the doctor or whatever that will help please. Karma, the thing that get at my conscience. Disgust disgust. Urgh.

Finally, I had my fill of Mcdonald's breakfast. Sausage eggmcmuffin, hotcakes. Sent up to the school. (: Fight over hashbrowns? Come on....

When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse.
When the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone, but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?

so you think you can dance?

2006-04-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

So you think you can dance?

I WISH I CAN DANCE LIKE THAT! ):

Is it just a heat of the moment passion or what? I guess time will tell. But they really got my eyes glued to the screeeeen. No changing of channels allowed even during commercial breaks just in case I miss the first few seconds. Haha. Hmmm.

JEFF LEE! Is that your new name? It really cracked me up. Haha. Thank you for informing me about today's thrilling basketball match(though it wasnt that thrilling cus someone didnt get to showcase what he got huh). Haha. But, regardless of everything, congrats on the win. ((: And thank you darling Grace for accompanying me to watch it.

I desperately need a camera. Okay, desperately want. Dance's gonna be off for 4 weeks. Shat.

Hick. You send shivers tingling down my spine.

island creamery.

2006-04-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

Say hello to Jared Padalecki. (:

I have no idea why staring at the computer screen for too long makes me tired. Okay, maybe I get the vague idea why. Anyhows, Qing and I made our stomachs happy by feeding it with yummy ice cream like the TEH TARIK, apple pie and BURNT CARAMEL flavors from Island Creamery. We also saw a whole bunch of cjcians in the photos pinned up there.

Went to the salon with mum for a wash after I got home from the ice cream frenzy. And the hairdresser actually ripped my earring out from the cartilage piercing and it bled like mad. She got all flustered and really apologetic. I dont see why they made such a big fuss cause really its not that bad. I think its because of the amount of blood but it wasnt hurting. The painful part came only when I put the earring back.

Went for dinner at Cosy Bay in Kallang yesterday. Such a nice place. There's this butch that I always bump into. Freaky or what. I've seen her like 5 times or more. Everything other than the dory fish was good. The fish was bland. Okay, and the mango margarita is awful as well. But nevermind, Erdinger made up for it. And the chicken kebab and chicken wings were heavenly. I have to get the GGG there some time. (:

Get well soon Grace! I miss you just like I know you miss me too! (:

eileen

LIFE'S A BIATCHHHH!!!

2006-04-19T05:56:00.000-07:00

I wanna hurl the weight of a thousand vulgarities off my tongue. AH! MY FRICKING NEW FRICKING PRETTY UNDERWEAR IS DYED BLUE!! When I say new, I mean new like I've only wore it once new! No, I shall curb the urge to use vulgarities. Changing for the better, see. Heh.

Hello people out there, invite me to club? If I say no, how bout insisting I go? Tempt me as hard as you can. Thank you very much.

Its either I get your heart broken or you get mine, so of course I'd go for the former. Hey, thats self defense. (:

There's a difference between taking an interest in someone and someone being purely your eyecandy right? I truly feel the pinch of "the early bird gets the worm". Bloody hell, you know I'm never early.

Why is it you diss and complain about half(or more) of the male population and yet turn down the other half? Sometimes women dont make sense. Or is it just me?

Did you read today's Life! section on straits times? A jc guy killed himself because he thought his dick was minute. Like someone said, what does it matter as long as it serves its basic function? Haha.

I hate MOCKS. Hehe. Pun intended.

Without you, life is like mushroom swiss without mushrooms, cheeseburger without cheese, coke without gas, noodle king without meatballs, yong tau foo without fried food. I hope you know how important you are. (:

Tennis is cool. So is literature. Love means nothing to a tennis player, wish I was one.

I have spent 600 dollars since February and my mum is seriously on the verge of confiscating my ATM card. ): There're still so much shopping to be done.

I dont make sense. So lets be senseless together. I really dont think I am asking too much. Sigh.

Being random is fun. I like it. I shall blog like that more often.

Ten words at the top of my head: Crab, O.C, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

Tell me after you have figured out how screwed I am,
eileen

iwantitiwantitiwantitiwantit.

2006-04-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

GOD, I want it SO MUCH. no matter how many times I'm repeating in my head its wrong its wrong its wrong its wrong its wrong its wrong, I STILL WANT IT. A LOT.

Exasperation.

F
U
C
K

I
T
!

I'm so sorry I want you so much.

soak up the sun.

2006-04-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

I cant exactly say we soaked up the sun huh grace. But we did meet some people that I never thought I would get to see. (: Thankfully, it didnt rain today so tanning was great. My face is all red and I'm feeling hot all over right now. We should do it more often. Heh heh.

Decided to take a bus to town instead of taking the train. We both agreed we like taking buses more. She checked out lido's topshop and I met derek for thai express and bravissimo. They have bailey's flavour! But he end up eating half a cup of mine. Got this top from NUM as a consolation cus I didnt get the wonderwoman tee. Its cute. (:

I wish you would stop being an irritating pest buzzing around in my head. But then again its not your fault, you wont even know that you're on my mind. I just cant help asking "what if.. what if..".

Dont waste your time on me. You're already the voice inside my ear.
eileen

supper at chomp.

2006-04-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

Thank you celes for your wonderful belated birthday gifts. So glad that even though we havent talk in such a long time, filling each other in with our lives still came with such ease. Coincidentally she got me Gucci's Envy Me when i was about to buy it. (: And the mirror from Bangkok is really pretty.

Caught Take The Lead together. Apparently, all shows about dance just appeal to me regardless of whether its good or not. Not that its bad, it was okay. Take ballroom dancing integrated with hip-hop streetdance, and that about the whole picture of the show. Antonio Banderas was a bonus. (:

Grabbed a burger each from KFC after the movie and walked to town. She had to work and I went to lido topshop to look for kelvin. Got the 40% discount coupon from him. Bought a cotton corset, 2 pairs of underwear, 1 pair of black with white polka dots hoop earrings and a yellow shirt there. Met up with elroy and headed to wisma topshop to get the beautiful floral dress. Elroy seems to have doubts about the dress, but its nice okay. Haha. Didnt get sam's bikini top for her cause they dont have her size so ended up reserving the one in Bugis for her.

We queued for taxi at wisma while waiting for Kelvin to finish work. Ended up waiting for nearly an hour and I think we got hc really pissed. The lame thing was I didnt eat in the end. And took a cab home, with midnight charge. ):

Heard some stuff which are so disappointing. No reason for me to be affected but I still am. Oh well, it only back up my theory on relationship more. To hell with boys. I guess this place a nice full stop to the end of my diminishing faith.

How can I? When I have no faith in it and no faith in myself to be able to give it all ever again.
eileen

indulgence.

2006-04-10T02:19:00.000-07:00

How about indulging shamelessly in it when i do not know how to return the same to you?

My plucked eyebrows looks schemingly identical to the ones that I saw this morning. Wrong judgement for agreeing to let anyone pluck them other than wing. Urgh. Why didnt I wait. I had a craving for mcdonald's FAN-tastic despite my incessant criticisms about it, the way it is advertised and how it is a copycat of MOS rice burgers. To my horror, it was actually to my liking. As usual, the meal was ripped off my dad cause I used my ezlink card. Talk about tan xiao pian yi.

So, 750i or 800?

I had foreseen a fruitful shopping trip today but it did not turn out that way because my bag was getting a kg heavier with every step I take. I resisted the sweeping urge to buy the black and white striped shorts although I know very well it will look SUPERB with my bikini. But its a steeeep 60 bucks and if I buy it, Im going to feed on air for the rest of the week.

How? I'm heading for dance soon and I cant remember a single step. Talking about dance reminds me of the random boy i met on the corridor today singing golddigger with contorted facial expressions. :D

Looking forward to visiting the pretty place called The Scarlet which i stumbled upon after dance last week. Such a pity I have no proper camera to capture the furnish. Guess I'll just see what i can do with the camera phone eh. Okay, running late.

Dance Dance,
We're falling apart to half-time.
Dance Dance,
These are the lives you'd love to lead.
Dance, this is the way they'd love,
If there knew how misery loved me.

eileen

seasons of love.

2006-04-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

there's only us.
there's only now.
forget regret.
or life's yours to miss.

there are countless times i caught myself at this page with many thoughts, although eventually i did not type them out. reason being i am afraid i would not do my thoughts justice with my words. simply because i am so afraid the things i type do not turn out to be the exact way they are in my mind.

that aside, RENT made me feel so insignificant. i realised that there are many things i will never get the opportunity to getting close, not to say learn about them. if my life is measured, how much meaning will it contain? have i even felt wha these people felt, or even come close to feeling it? i cant explain how the love portrayed in this movie touched me more than the teary romantic cliche love portrayed in all romantic love stories these days. perhaps its how raw it is that really got to me. and how brave it is. maybe its the controversy of it that made it so fascinating. i cant explain why angel is such a dear to me. maybe its how he or she, affected everyone around without going out of the way to do it. how her little actions just who she is that actually got me envious of the people around her. maybe its just the way she love, how it comes so naturally and real. how her presence made everyone come so bonded together. just like no matter what happen love is still around.

argh, see wha i mean in my first paragraph. i wish it doesnt sound that superficial because really, it is not. catch it people if you can. opinions may differ from mine, but i honestly rate it a worthy show. im fascinated by how fascinated i can get with all the things people might not understand why i am fascinated with. to them, it may be trivial and insignificant and something they would not give a second thought or deeper thought about. hmmm.

i apologise for behaving like an angst-filled bitch . i hope it didnt spoil your day. and sorry for turning down your nice intentions. actually i dont know what i am sorry for. possibly my guilt. and i feel so disgusted with myself for that.

for more of the everyday-of-my-life part of the post, lets just say i missed the tanning session i so wanted to have. i did not know mum was not working today until this morning when i woke up and found her in bed still. just like i guessed, she forbidded me to go out and insisted that i visit grandma together with the family. a BIG sorry to grace especially. i promise a make up trip very very soon aites. (:

i collected my specs today. its so red. i think i might look a little like a bitchy secretary. cant decide if thats good or bad. my mum deposited money into my account and discovered a huge wedge of it gone. her eyes went round as saucers and seriously i was scared out of my wits that she would really confiscate my card. how can i survive without it.

went for dinner with uncle alan. he called me in the afternoon and made sure i join them. "family meeting" he said. :/ ended up discussing about me working at winebar and the housing issues. blablabla. got me very very troubled. when im not even supposed to be worried about issues like that! but okay, he's right in some ways. analysing problems like that will do me good cause i will face them in the future. i kind of like the fact i am included in adult conversations. ((:

this is going to be a long-winded entry because i realised there are quite a number of things i want to talk about. went for dinner with meil and chien at marche on april's fool day. can you believe they actually chat up a staff there. i think people from random shops all over town know who they are. oh, and i went shopping with ch yesterday, together with doug and sy. i haven caught up with sy for such a long long long time. tsk, where is the heart. but had a greaat time and both ch and doug end up buying crumplers. ch bought the big grey one and doug bought the small grey one. its a freaking 189 bucks for the bigger one.

dance's been fun. but i stil cant do the move-my-head to the side thing. the steps just accumulate every week. i better start practising before i lag too far behind. psst mei, i dont have a lot of time, i just got bored with the old skin. and it was starting to get to the extent where i get sick looking at it. just looking at it and i dont feel like blogging anymore. haha.

did the 2.4 run on fri. it started raining halfway through but we finished the run. i did very badly, so disappointing but at least i passed. thanks qing love for running the last lap with me despite finishing her run already. (((:

i'll be your shelter. just pay me back with one thousand kisses,
eileen
xoxo

sugar, we're going down.

2006-03-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

hello there. i truly live up to the name of a spendthrift. for the past three weeks i think i have spent at least three hundred buckeroos. for my dance pants, my itsy-bitsy white polka dot bikini, the fees for dance class, my new AA grade fred perry bag. if my mum shall update my bank book, she might start hyperventilating.

i am extremely proud of myself today. it has been a long time since i've spend so much time on mathematics. grace, that lass is so smart. her probability really blew me off man. we spent 4 hours in scotts coffee bean doing complex numbers FA, which i am sorry to say, after attempted i feel this small. but after completing the probability tutorial, well almost, we were left with one part, my heart felt this big. i think i really prefer studying and doing work in a group. gets my motivated and i start working my brain hard. (:

im really dreading pe, cant help but dread it. test week next week. sigh. but the blasting sirens havent start blasting in my head yet. how bad is that. those damn magazines always gets me into the shopping mood.

jump like the ribena berries,
eileen

lets dance inside this song.

2006-03-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

i've been wanting to update since saturday. MS received quite a few blasting comments after i talked about it on my blog. haha. everyone agree that the monday of even week is the best day ever. ending at 1pm with no biology whatsoever, pure joy man.

shopped with mei on sat. i think she wasnt in the best of mood. hmmm. haha. she bought a tee and we ate at pastamania. saw alot of people from zhss which i haven seen in eons. joyce, niansy, leeting, alesia then adeline and jaime in far east. saw belle, dinah, freda and all in cine after dinner. dinner was fun. what with us people watching and commenting too much. :D went to acid bar after that. her friends came after a while and somehow they find naming us "jc girls" very amusing. seriously, they are one stingy duo. not that i care alot about free drinks but thats basic manners right. and some of the things he say just TURN me OFF.

cant stand the way they pester their friend to have supper with them. remind me of TH guys. clones out of the same mould. these buddies just cant live without each other for 5 seconds. okay i think i made the night sound twenty million times worse than it actually was. it was not that bad actually. acid bar is a nice place to chill. cept that their drinks are not exactly cheap.

dance today was cool man. the studio is located in such a cool building! i look awkward with my moves. shall polish up the movements eh. heh. went with mei to the park near the station after class ended to wait for her parents. so romantic. they sent me to newton and went to newton circus for dinner with derek. sinfully satisfying. yum.

im hooked on oldies. (:

eileen

put down the chocolate and no one gets hurt.

2006-03-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

wan came up with a crappy club called MS which stands for Mugger Society. i told them to give me one day to consider whether i want to join or not. and i decided to go ahead with it cause it might really push me to start studying. there are 7 "golden" rules to follow. these rules includes no sleeping during tutorials, no skipping of schools.... :X and most importantly clocking 3 hours of study time every day, 6 over the wkends. HAHAHA.

i went to junction 8 yesterday for coffee, then went for ice cream at haagen daz. sat at the table in the open. the place was rather nice and warm, gives you that fuzzy feeling. or maybe it wasnt the atmosphere. maybe its just me. (: have been sleeping at two to clock in 3 hours each day. positive improvement.

rosti at marche today. some renovation going on and the front entrance is now permanently blocked if i am not wrong. walked all the way to newton to take train. im getting a cough. could be due to the amount of ice cream i've had these past few days. tsktsk.

mass pe tmr. somebody just take my life please. jason liu will. aaaahhhh.

isnt it nice to have someone to care for you with no strings attached? if it develops into something more, one day it'll go back to nothing again. what goes up must come down doesnt it? so why cant things just stay this way all the time?

okay im rambling, nobody understands what i am talking about. lets just forget it. back to more mugging. goodnight world.

eileen.

surprise surprise!

2006-03-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

you really would not be able to foresee the surprises in stalled for you. (:

wanted to have prata at prata house today but its closed. they're closed from 20th march to 3rd april. how sad. so went to jalan kayu instead. i still like prata house more. but company is good. (:

i wish things are always as good. i shall savour the short good moments. dont ask me how i know its gonna be short. well, cus good things never last.

hanging by a moment here with you,
eileen

fill me up.

2006-03-19T02:57:00.000-08:00

im empty. this hollow space inside is driving me nuts. its funny how the things that scared me most turned out to the things that ultimately bring me comfort. this has to be the most confusing period in my life. im being led in this direction then in that direction. eventually i still do not know what was the purpose of all these. and my incessant efforts in filling up the vacuum only voids it even more. at the end of the day, its more empty than ever.

mambo night at zouk on wednesday. meil and chien went in first. i waited outside for almost 20 mins before zouk is opened. saw some girl being bounced but i recognise willy the pr. smiled at him and he remembers me as a staff. luck was on my side. didnt see aunt elsie either. mambo music is BAD. seriously the guy on the podium looks like a damn fag doing all those actions. his facial expressions was a major turnoff as well. we couldnt take it anymore after about ten mins on the dancefloor and went over to phuture. oh yes, saw jw at the bag corner, *Ahem finds him PRETTTY PRETTY cute. haha.

woo, i like the music there. it was quite crowded by the time we went in. danced with a scorpio and meil saw her scorpio so they ran away. i went off awhile later to look for them at the toilet. while waiting for them, there was this stupid guy that pulled me off to the exit corner and start asking me stupid question like whether i want to know him or not, OMG. and i kept repeating myself over and over again do i know you do i know you although my head was spinning like a top and i couldnt really walk properly.

lucky thing i spotted them before he did anything more. walked to zouk again and the music was still as horrible as ever and the crowd was sooooooo old so we went back to phuture. met this really cute capri that was too many tads too egoistic. he treated me and chien some shots and asked if we wanted to join them for supper. but it was only 3 and so we went back to dance. saw the botak. wow, but he was dancing with a really horny face so we moved our way through. saw the exit sign weirdo and ran away. i think i drank too much cause i shouted no very loudly when someone invited us to dance. okay, this was wed.

went to DXO on thurs. there was some party going on and liyun was selling the tickets. danced with a group of SA boys at first and i deeply regret telling him i was from CJ. sigh. i ran away when he started getting touchy and danced with the girls and the guys they were dancing with. i didnt get to dance with the cute beanie boy cus this bespectacled nerd was in the way! anw, saw ryan and im quite taken aback he still recognises me! smsed me if i wanted to dance but i didnt reply. alot of the guys that night were wearing spectacles. rather weird.

the SA guy came over to us after the party ended and lucky thing we were with another group of guys. i talked with my back facing him. :/ went to the marina square's 7-11 with the guys. i think the leo is pretty cute but he was singing emo songs and he seriously looked like he just broke up with his gf. haha. so many things i want to say but i dont think its safe. argh. sat all the way till 6 and cabbed to chien's house. they are one funny group of guys. meil smsed me on sat and said that the emo leo asked us to club that night but we couldnt. i was working and anw, stayed out for too many nights.

this is one long entry. im typing with a bad throbbing head. shall edit if i can remember anything else. oh yes, dance on monday. wee. at last.

too strong for too long.

2006-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

i come home, i bath and i switch on the laptop. even when there's absolutely nothing i can do online i still continue staring at the pixelated page. this is the main cause of my failing of chemistry. (: at least i didnt get a F. so ya, that was a consolation.

my left eye is sore. it got so bad this morning that i took out my contact lens and threw it away. so i end up with my right up clear and the left very blurred. went to consult a doctor to make sure that it is not some serious infection and yeah i guess its not, judging from his composure and the fact that the only thing prescribed was a tiny bottle of eye drop. i dont think i am going to heed the advice of not to wear my contact lens. i cant possibly wear my specs to sch.

cca pasar tmr. heh. contemplating if i should get down to kallang to watch the team's friendly against srjc and ijc. we'll see. christina decided not to attend rockafella so i bought the tickets for alven and the rest. i knew i had something to say, but when i reach this page my mind just zone out. oh sam's miseryday tmr. so here's an early wish from me, HAPPY MISERY DAY! doesnt really make sense. :/

the closest thing to perfect, but the farthest thing from me,
eileen

crazy fri night yet again.

2006-03-05T01:36:00.000-08:00

met up with the group after the last paper on fri. so, the place where we were heading was supposed to be a surprise and qing made a boobie where we overshot our stop and landed in kallang which made me thought that we were gonna ice skate. this idea got sam teasing me later. so we were actually supposed to go to bugis for lunch, at sketches. (((((((((((: it was very very very good, food and all. he is still as cute as ever. and he actually spoke to us. even more so drool inducing while he was recommending dessert. gosh. :P

went to town and shopped around before the movie started. we caught big momma's house two and man, it was hilarious. took pictures on the bus. work sucked. so damn tiring. and the cramps didnt help. owell. but the money came in useful.

met up with pri sch friends on sat. i couldnt regconise joel! goodness, he underwent like a total 360 degrees change. anw, went to play pool and i went to meet grace after that to shop. oh yes, met xiaoyan at cine. sherman and her were wearing couple polo tees. damn cute la them. soooo, i bought the really retro waistbelt and the rolling stones junkfood tee! shall wear it for rockafella.

OH MY, do you think the j3s will be back for rockafella? highly possible. okays, the anticipation is really building up. im basking in the freedom. no more rushing home to mug my arse off. soon the pressure will drum in again.

your hands are mine to hold,
eileen

randompong!

2006-03-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

sweet lord. i just flipped open my foolscap pad and cringed at the sight of my chemistry question paper. yikes. my malfunctioning brain has let me down once again. i was about to start on maths when i discovered my lecture notes and files are all in school. so i changed out FAST and went to school in a cab, rushed to the office and was so lucky to meet ms ang there where she got the keys for me and i rushed home in a cab again. thats almost 9 bucks gone.

my craving for prata didnt subside even after a long sleep. so i went to thomson with grams for prata lunch. i looovvveee the teh ice. the banana prata was good too.

before i had the chance to suck up to mum yesterday she came into the room and hugged me, praising me for my chinese results. i told her honestly i think thats the only A imma gonna get. she start telling me about how i really pushed her off her limit that day. that she was calling me frantically, worried about my safety and i didnt pick up the calls. i guess one day when im a mum i will realise wha a big deal that is. she said i should know she doesnt like to nag at me and give me pressure on my studies. oh well, so we are fine now i guess.

actually she told me to work during the hols instead of working during the normal school days but i assured her its not going to affect my studies and if i felt that it is affecting, i'll stop work. so yay, work tmr.

orightys, too much talk. time for some MADtheMADtics.

and i couldnt make you see it, that i love you more than you'll ever know,
eileen

at the end of the day, im still me.

2006-03-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

is it my laptop thats having technical problems or is it that MSN is down? i cant sign in. ive been trying fruitlessly for the past, say, 45 mins? it cant be my laptop right? now that my com freezes every two seconds im using it, nothing bad should happen to my laptop. wow. i think my life is actually built on my cyberlife. i cant imagine life without my com. no wonder i feel like im living in a virtual world half the time.

after reading *****'s blog, im utterly glad and relieved my mind dont work like that. to think i thought im someone who reads too much out of nothing. she sure can conjure more eccentric thoughts than me. im not that mad after all. (: okay, i feel like im mocking at her, i should not be. but im just terribly relieved.

so, chem was a mess. when was it ever not. i could not finish the mcqs. this paper one must have been the toughest one i've came across so far. i will be jumping with joy if i score any grade higher than 20 marks. on the good side, chinese AO was good. it was a nice surprise that pulled my spirits up a little after it was seriously dampened by chem. the picture of mr bala laughing at me when i said i will be happy if i score a ten for mcq is strongly etched in my head.

dad just told me in the afternoon grandpa has decided not to undergo dialysis anymore while he was in a conscious state. i could tell dad was angry, but it seemed that his anger stemmed from the fact he cant do anything about grandpa's decision. to watch someone you love having his life sapped away as days pass is definitely not going to be easy.

to think i thought having my mind filled with materialistic issues was warped. now im glad my mind is filled with that and not..........

american's next top model tonight! cant believe nicole actually won! she dont deserve it. imma try to do maths after the show till the wee hours since there's no paper tmr. (((((: i'll TRY. i shall go suck up to my mum in the meantime before the show starts so she wont start nagging when i go out for the weekend. hahaha.

so you take the smiles, from all of our years, and i'll take the tears,
eileen

thats bio down!

2006-02-28T03:10:00.000-08:00

bio is over. how glad am i. woowowwee. i couldnt do the first structured qn, thats 12 marks gone. ): hopefully i can pass it. the mcqs were really set to pull our marks up. chemistry tmr and i havent conquered it yet. its a CHALLENGING task.

reading this person's blog just really starts the itch to shop. i had to put my fingers in my mouth to stop them from clicking on online shopping websites.(okay i didnt) the A levels results will be out tmr at 2pm. i am so excited about it. THE J3s will be back. so that means i can once again worship the greekgod, even if for one day. ((((:

i ate so much today, actually i eat so much everyday. i should really start cutting down! and start exercising to burn those calories as well. it doesnt help i have such a greedy friend like sam. haha. okay but that goes to show i cant resist temptation. i swear i wasnt going to eat chippies marsbar when i heard they ran out of vanilla ice cream. but today had to be a tuesday and waffles in gelare are half priced. sigh. so we sat and talked and wasted precious mugging time(haha doesnt sound right coming from me) while we planned for sam's party as well. so much work. urgh.

and i got home and slept when i have only completed one chapter of chem. but AIYA, whether i finish studying or not im still gonna fail. :/ the indian upstairs is cooking prata and curry. i can smell it. DAMMIT.

my entries are getting less emotions-filled, pretty good improvement, (:
eileen

crazy night out.

2006-02-27T03:14:00.000-08:00

i dont know whether i should say friday was helluva good day or a bad bad day. lets get the bad ball rolling. so i was one hour late and i guess mum was really hungry and sick of me being late. i dont know what sparked me to tell her at least my friends bother to celebrate my birthday when she said "so your friends are more important is it?" in this really irritable tone. owell. so i shut myself in the bathroom and started washing my face when she bang the door open.

i literally jumped at that. she started getting really angry and started shouting !^#^$%*@, i cant really remember what. but our arguments always end with her saying "you dont have to think about going out next time anymore." and this time something new was added. she said i can work anymore. but....... that worked for far too many years.

alrights, on the bright side. it was a crazy day/night out. met up with mei and chien at cine kbox. saw KAONIAO! hahahahaha. he's working there. laughed at him. they bought me a tiramisu cake! really sweet of them. we sang and danced on the sofa like crazy women who havent been out for trillions of years. shopped around after that and man, i really really feel like shopping. whats new. whats new is that i wont shop cause imma save up for the dance class. (((:

went to marche for dinner and we shared four courses, rosti with cheese sausage, ham and cheese crepe, fried calamari and boneless chicken leg. it was gratifying. ahhhhh. walked into the balcony and there werent any seats so we decided to head down to winebar which im starting to hate going there when im not working. drank bailey's and went down to liquid. thanks to some cock up technical problems we waited til 1130 before going in and went off at 2 plus. whats worse was i paid cause i dont have the member card. sigh. but i signed up. (: i should try out cocolatte sometime though i heard quite a few negative feedbacks about it. but with membership, its free entry. so, who cares?

okay, cant wait for ct to be over and fri to come. OH YES, ROCKAFELLA'S NEXT FRI - 10TH MARCH! woo cant wait, and the all rockafella rejects(hahahaha) on next sat. okay, i shall start on my conquest to conquer chemistry. gp was okay today. but i fell asleep in the midst of paper two. *sheepish grin

and afterall, you're my wonderwall,
eileen

happy belated birthday to me.

2006-02-24T00:09:00.000-08:00

so i lied. it was not that happy after all. mum went out and didnt come home til 3. but anw, i felt loved by those angels around me. thank you mei for your pretty present, cute letter and the typed out birthday song. lol. and thanks to sam, grace, wan and qing for the wonderwomanful 2 in 1 clutch/handbag. and qing, for the fizzy fish gummy and the whole of t39 for the messages on the stars. you guys really made me feel like a STAR. *smiles. to elroy for the wallet and those who sent me birthday messages, loved. (((:

coincidentally i had a mini primary sch gathering dinner. only a handful turned up cause it was really arranged at the eleventh hour. wanted to have sakae but the wait was so long that we decided to have dinner at swensen's instead. so swensen's had the birthday promotion and i got a free meal and dessert. and a birthday song too! really strange how it was these primary sch mates that spent my birthday with me. and i really appreciate jo for remembering my birthday! another gathering next sat, this time well planned.

darling mei decided to shower me with more of her love by spending tmr with me as well! despite next wk being common test wk. ay, wha can i say. qing and the rest told me there will be a post celebration next fri. tentatively. i wont build up high hopes in fear of great disappointment. but im happy enough. :D

so i skipped sch today and finished up transport in plants. so thats GDR and transport done. i need to prepare for work soon. the cash is the only factor that keeps making me go back for more. no other reason. maybe i'll see jingwei around, not too sure cus he'll be waitering in zouk. wellwell. dreading the second hand smoke. argh.

the world will never be the same, and you're to blame,
eileen

its a beautiful day.

2006-02-22T02:57:00.000-08:00

after such a long time, we patronised prata house(or is it king?) once again. expected there to be a large crowd but surprisingly it was quite empty. had 3 pratas and shared CURRY CHICKEN with qing. ah, it was the best meal in days.

the x country was as good as leisure stroll for me and wan. we were walking so far behind from the rest, just taking our own sweet time. almost all of us fell asleep while they were giving out the trophies. it was so draggy. dashed home after that and went for dinner with uncle alan cause they were sending great uncle off to the airport. uncle alan's hostility got me really upset. im not having dinner with him again.

this habit of taking afternoon nap is building up. i should get going to do gp. gpgpgp every single day. before studying bio. note the importance of TMR. (((:

stand by me, nobody knows the way its gonna be,
eileen

you forget where the heart is.

2006-02-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

i am so frick-king pissed with my gp. i took 4 hrs to read through all that articles and notes and to finish one essay OUTLINE, yeah not even an essay. so i dont have time to study anymore cause i am so tired alr. shitf**k. i forgot to bring my tie today and i have no idea why the co-op isnt open! so i skipped assembly and attempted fa in cls to no avail.

x-country tmr. leisure walk for me. its a rubbish day tmr cus we have sch! until 1. and the shittier thing? bio all the way. bio tut, bio lect, bio prac. okay now that ct's so near im really getting the jitters. i dont feel like going to school tmr so i can study late today and study the whole day tmr as well. ah, this is very tempting.

cant wait to turn 18. hopefully its a TURNING point, turn for the better of course. i cant believe my mother actually asked me if i want a cake. like hello? since when did she ever buy me a cake. and yet she came up with the excuse of me wanting to celebrate birthdays recent yrs with my friends. OKAY, maybe its true but still its the heart that counts. i dont even get proper family gifts anymore.

grandpa's undergoing dialysis. the cardio specialist told dad that his heart has stabilised and they got to take the risk otherwise it will be as good as wasting his life away as he lie there with the oxygen tube. god bless.

this is getting bad. as i blog i am thinking of wha sam told me in the afternoon about her birthday party after ct. i shall indulge myself sinfully after ct's over. rockerfella's gonna be real good cause...... aiya i just know its gonna be good, THOUGH it will be better if sam's in it. i really shouldnt be talking like im studying damn bloody hard for my ct, you know with all the i can enjoy myself after next week, cause im really not. oh no. -reality is setting in.

when everything is meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am,
eileen

breathe in the satisfaction.

2006-02-19T08:42:00.000-08:00

greeted this morning by really bad cramps. mind you, its pre menstrual cramp, soon there will be menstrual cramps and if im lucky enough i get post menstrual cramps as well. pulled myself out of bed at 8 though i slept at 2. had some water and managed to catch some sleep until 10 where i could no longer stand it and took my med. finally i felt the pain subsiding but each time i move it still hurts.

had lunch before buying the paint for the room. i cleared my whole damn room despite my cramps thanks to a very grumpy dad together with the help of my grandma. i think the room has never been so clean before. but viola! the effects of the paint turned out to be very very good and i shifted some stuff here and there so i didnt finish packing until 12. packing includes packing my worksheets which omfg, are AS THICK AS MY HEAD. sorry bad attempt trying to be funny. when i moved everything out of the room to paint it, it looks like we're moving house. my belongings are much more than everyone's added up together. :/

im so proud of myself but not the fact that i didnt touch any work over the weekend and ct is one week away. sigh. hopefully i can still scrap through it if i study hard every single day of this week. uh, better late than never right? lets make this post a happy one.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ALVENNEOJUNWEI!

even angels die,
eileen

do they have radios in heaven?

2006-02-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

when i saw grandpa lying on the bed, looking so weak and feeble, my mind was filled with thoughts of him watching tv and making jokes that only he himself laughs at. i thought of how lonely grandma would be, losing a companion for over 50 years. i could almost feel her pain and how lost she would be.

i saw dad stroking grandpa's forehead and arms. and couldnt stop the huge wave of grief from rising. liyen was absorbed in the fantasy book she was reading while we were visiting. they talked about how all she cares about are those books of hers. but i see it as her way of escaping from the reality. in school there's people teasing her about the way she looks and how she cant blend in. and now, its the pain of losing her grandfather. the one who sees her like his precious pearl though she's adopted.

dad became this softie who tear and tries to stop the tears from flowing. its like he has stepped into a different light. from a man who seems detached to a son loving his father deeply. i tried very hard to keep the thought of him dying to the very back of my head. i tried to put my attention on shopping and laughing and talking like nothing happened. but at the very end, it just creeps back into my mind again.

our relationship was never close. but his love for dad, though he is not his flesh and blood, his love for liyen though she is not aunt alice's flesh and blood and his love for me though im not dad's flesh and blood is worthy of my love for him. and its definitely worthy for a place in heaven. hopefully it is a better place where his pain subsides.

eileen

bad day.

2006-02-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

i woke up from my nap hearing dad shouting for mum, asking her to come along with him to send grandpa to the hospital. it was his birthday today. they just came home after having lunch with him. he was complaining about his chest hurting. things turned out pretty ugly the last time that happened. they're not back yet. this is worrying.

you know when things like that happen i get really fed up. its so sudden and spoils all the plans made beforehand. and then i realised it wasnt because i was hard hearted that i feel this way. its just when bad things happen i just wish life would continue the way it was going. i wish it didnt have to happen and change everything. i would hate to lose him, even though im not as close to him.

everything happening around me recently are extremely depressing. blows came after one another. harder and harder each time. the idea of retribution is crawling back into my head again. i could almost picture stuffing myself each day and transforming into a ginormous being.

lately, ive learnt to appreciate myself lesser and lesser. its like i cant love myself anymore. i feel like im living in myself, trying to pretend everything is fine when everything is not. the thought of loving seems so distant. im beginning to feel that i cant love well. love doesnt seem to stand on any ground. maybe its more like im scared of it. i dont think i will ever believe in anyone's love for me anymore.

who are those who says there is much more to life than love. i wish i could believe in that. because wha i think now, if there's no love, wha lfie is there to be?

i wanna shout "SCREW THE FUCKING WORLD" out loud, but then that would be something i would have laughed at if someone ever does it. the whole point of life is an irony. so whas the point of sorting it out.

i have no idea wha i am talking about,
eileen

post valentines day depression.

2006-02-15T03:03:00.000-08:00

i am currently trying to burn the sisterhood of the travelling pants for qing. it is a tough feat. i didnt know it would be this troublesome and hard to handle! now im feeling remorseful for not finishing the movie ytd. but the exhaustion was terribly overwhelming and there was no way i could control my mercury lids from shutting.

had a sumptous valentine dinner with qing and grace at ikea. meatballs, chicken wings and fish and chips! reached home after ten. i had a valentine date with mtefore dinner. detention for being late. how revolting. but i was so hungry that not even him could spoil my appetite. there's still a tinge of sadness and loneliness but at least i get to spend it with people i love. (:

the sisterhood of the travelling pants was superb. glad we rented it. the book was better though. movies made after novels are never as gd as the novels are isnt it. its the little details that string everything together.

okays gotta run. maths ca tmr. im so gonna flunk it. wonder if there's a day where i will ever be confident of any test, now that chinese has passed. ):

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY HC MY BLACK FRIEND!
eileen

to hell with valentine people.

2006-02-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

i think i cry too easily. which makes me somebody that gets worked up damn easily. i was crying my eyes blind while watching im not stupid too. if i had gone with anyone else, i would have been taunted at mercilessly for years to come. i took a bus to school for morning run today. reached at round 650 but didnt run in the end cus i was coughing my lungs out. its like every single cough echoed the disgusting trace of PHLEGM.

sam had a fever so i was to open the class door today. i was just talking to eileen the netball junior on the quadrangle when i saw brendan, was about to wave when he just looked away! i wonder if i had offended him in some way or another. :/ aites, anyhow, got back bio test and good heavens! i got a big fat F. okays, maybe its not that surprising. judging on how MUCH attention i paid during lectures.

i had a hard time trying to convince myself tmr is but an ordinary day. and i should not pay much attention to it. BUT hell! its tough. its my first lonely valentine's day in yrs. cant wait for tomorrow to pass. im dreading my birthday. god knows why.

okay i had actually posted this entry before i realised i didnt talk about my weekend. grace, qing and i went to sp's dance concert on fri. im sorry to say this but it was kinda erm er ya lousy. not that im in any place to say so, im not a professional dancer or anything. but well, thats just wha i thought. anw, i saw celestine! but never manage to speak or chat or catch up with her whatsoever. the three of us were just laughing and entertaining ourselves.

the double deck bus we took there almost made us puke our mcspicy out. it was so jerky that the three of us were just this far from flying outta the seats. okay, one of us did. HAHAHA. headed down for pool at meridien. its been a long time. so the three worse pool players among us played and saw he who must not be named! oh wow. getting cuter each day aye. went to newton for dinner/supper. the fried oyster was the best ever.

wans joined us there and her intolerance of anything spicy cracks us up. she cant even take strong mint or too much pepper! we cabbed down to some 7-11 near coronation and didnt manage to get bailey's! ): so we got absolut vodka and some mixers. and guess who we saw? PIERE PNG! omg, he is just so damn hot. AH!

played death match beside the pool and got ourselves damn bloody high. finally the security chased us up and qing and grace were knocked out. wans and i played five ten and continued drinking until we finished every single drop. when sam came we went crazy! oh man. it was a crazy night. i couldnt believe wha i did. HAHA. but yeah, its a memorable night.

tanning on sat before going to irvin's house to watch sam, darryl, brendan and irvin jam. it was fun playing with the drums and all. went off to wan's hse to change before heading to pavillion. grace and i were yawning ever so often even while queueing to get in! the place SUCKS. the drinks sucks as well. twas a waste of money. but i saw alot of people! i saw who i wanted to see and like i said i would, i laughed my ass off. haha.

i spent so long typing this entry. im not gonna be able to finish my gp essay! ARGH.

eileen

so tired.

2006-02-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

i woke up late again today. though it was earlier than yesterday i still feel really bad about it cause i was supposed to open the door. i was in a very bad mood this morning so i kept words to the minimum. warns's absent today. i miss her man. her crap and cock and bullshit. haha.

oh yes, i forgot to mention in yesterday's entry that i had the most budget 5 item test in my entire 17 yrs of school life. we actually had to use a measuring tape for standing board jump. and i did like shit. worse than last yr. I MUST JUMP AGAIN, i insist. haha. and we didnt had to do sit and reach cause guess what? the boards were invaded by termites so they're all gone now. HAHAHA.

back to today. everyone was exhausted today. qing didnt do the thing she was going to do so she'll do it tmr. (: NO MORNING RUN TMR. JOY! we left str for home after school today. i had a good rest. SHIT, im supposed to be watching american's next top model now. tarts.

the wkend's nearing, hee,
eileen

happy birthday gracie!

2006-02-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY GRACE MY LOVE!

i bet youre so damn contented with our lovely gifts right. haha. anticipating this weekend? so am i! hahaha. sch was crap today! draggy and all. but we had fun singing. its like a sing song day or something. i think we really amused darryl with our cheena piang song. to think mr bala thought i was being a racist! EH, im a chinese la, why should i be against my own race.

like wha i said, we had waffles! and it was orgasmic man!(okay maybe not to that extent, but its just damn gd la.) training today was quite fun. i like the box game. ((: i am miss goody two shoes today. haha. aka teacher's pet(this is from sam) which was not very true cus i irritate the teacher by trying to fix rachel's mini stapler throughout more than half the lesson. lucy ran outta bullets.

absent minded like i always am, i left my hp under the desk at t35. only to discover it after pe. im laughing more and more each day. whoa, thats a gd sign man. oh yes! i wrote postcards for qing and grace. now sam's dling another episode 1 of season 2 oc for me cus the one she has cannot be pasted into the thumbdrive. i can watch oc tmr! provided brendan return them to me.

its only tues and i cant wait for the weekend. hack me.
E-I-L-double e-N

mondaymonday.

2006-02-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

chippies fried mars bar should be on every restaurant's menu. its just so gd! since sch started, all that i can remember was all the gossips shared, all the food we ate, all the jokes we made. i dont recall doing any homework or listening attentively to one whole lecture at all. sigh. and im supposed to be taking my As this year.

grace's birthday tmr. but we've got morning run, 5 item test, and training after school. we will definitely have gelare waffles after training YES! its half price on tues but somehow we always miss it. how i wish i could go home to change out first. owell.

i checked out body shop today to see if there's the hair condtitioning spray mei's using but couldnt find it. and i saw this not bad pencil case at fcuk. though they all think its too small for me. thats the point. my pc's so big that pens just accumulate in it. those that i dont use at all are in there as well. its like responsible for half my bag's weight.

there's so many things i wanna do but i dont know where to start. ive decided to grow my hair. i shall cut it if im not happy with how it looks when its long. haha. i finished bio, attempted chem and did some maths. mymy, this is getting scaraaayyy.

new season of desperate housewives tonight. hopefully its gd.

eileen

sick.

2006-02-05T06:48:00.000-08:00

met up with meil yesterday. was supposed to go to elroy's hse tog but she backed out cus she was meeting chien. hung out tog at j8 while waiting for chien and jl. love hanging out with her. met up with jl later and she passed meil her id. and we cabbed down to elroy's house.

didnt do much there. ate a little and talked. left at round 9. caught up with celes and talked. didnt get to talk alot. we should catch up another time soon. today was horrible. i woke up late and wanted to check the timings for undiscovered only to realise that its not showing anymore! i really wanted to catch it.

so i spent the rest of the day oc-ing and damn! the season finale for season 1 was crap! argh. i was making wantons the whole day as well. my mum must have passed the flu virus to me. now my head hurts. this entry is taking me damn long cause my com is damn bloody laggy. okay im off to do chem now. i should really start on my work. i haven been doing anything for the past month and ct's round the corner!

try this on, straightjacket feeling,
eileen

CNY!

2006-02-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

cny started out with me in an awful and dysfunctional state. i was crushed. but when you hit the bottom things just turns for the better. ((: went out with meil and chien on fri after sch. seriously they're damn hilarious, esp meil. i think she's a lil' cranky these days but it cracks me up hanging out with her.

she can start dancing while trying on clothes and makes me laugh like a lunatic. we tried on the bikini at mambo and I WANT THE GREEN AND YELLOW STRIPED ONE! *coughsbirthday'scomingcoughs* okay but the price is really steep. meil went off while me and chien tried on jeans at levi's then bought tops from topshop. headed home and had my reunion dinner.

shit i cant remember wha happened on sat. hehe. alrights sun. went to gran's hse in the morning. and another relative's then headed back to gran's again and hung around til past noon and went home. watched tv the whole day and due to the incompetence of me, my dad and my mum. we had macdonald's for dinner. HAHA. headed to roy's hse in the late afternoon on mon and played cards. ALMOST everyone went. sy, jl and i headed to DXO at round 11 plus and man, did we had fun dancing our asses off! saw alot of interesting people. got me damn excited. i cant wait to see celes and tell her all abt it!

went over to the 7-11 at marina square after the party ended. i was damn high. had cup noodles and slacked around. watching these bunch of guys acting out jackass by throwing people off in a trolley. gosh, i dont know if its the dancing or the laughing but my ribs hurt bloody much now. i cant laugh or breathe hard.

headed over to jl's bishan hse in a cab after midnight charge was over. i still cant get the picture of the 100kg mimi out of my head. he is a walking comedian. bt the funniest ive ever met. got home at 8 plus and slept all the way til near 4 before bathing and heading to lik's hse. watched them play mj and played cards tog before heading for jalan kayu prata, supposedly best in singapore. we waited like half an hr for the food to come. elroy felt bad for winning his own pals money so he treated us the pratas and cabfare as well! HAHA.

shared a cab home with kelvin. i haven seen him for ages. reached home at midnight and my mum didnt say anything. which makes the day happier! cant wait for sat. but the stupid chingay gotta spoil everything. urgh. im never ever gonna hit the beach. i had the best dinner tonight with the best company! roti john, teh ice and chicken rice. :D

yesterday was hell
but today I'm fine without you
runaway this time without you
and all I ever thought you'd be
that face is tearing holes in me
but today I'm fine without you
runaway this time without you
and all the things you put me through
i'm holding on by letting go of you

eileen

its over.

2006-01-28T22:23:00.000-08:00

somehow, the more i try not to think abt you, the more you appear in my mind. im so tired of trying to block out the images that i just gave up and let myself indulge in everything that has happened. the smell of your cologne doesnt help. it only makes me miss you more.

im trying to persuade my mind into believing that this will all pass and in time i will see that these memories will bring me joy, instead of sorrows. im waiting for you to tell me to stop waiting. tell me everything thats in your mind. then i can leave with a peace of mind. then i wont carry hopes of ever getting together again.

eileen

FUNFUNFUN

2006-01-26T06:05:00.000-08:00

today was one fun day man! haha. there's0 like so many reasons that make today such a happy day. we are finally done with the tests this week! woohoo! grace pierced her tongue! she is like damn bloody cool la. it didnt affect her at all. we didnt witness another scene where she stumbled out drooling uncontrollably.

after we walked out of the shop, sam decided to do it as well. so we went back in and this time round i watched the lady pierced it. i wasnt that tempted anymore cus sam's face spelt AGONY and i could almost feel her pain when the lady was tightening the screws. wanyi went off after that and i saw her group of st margs friends. yes i agree andrea is one hot girl.

made our way to try on the bettinaliano jeans but i looked like a *****. hahaha. sam went off after that and we went to cine to catch memoirs of a geisha. its damn gd! a must-catch. i didnt waste my 8 dollars nor the 3 hrs spent in the cinema man. gong li is damn HOT. she's hotter than zhang ziyi. i know most ppl find it the other way round but aiya, entitled to personal opinion right.

i made a damn embarrassing boobie today la. so fricking embarrassed now! but that aside today was a very good day. everything just falls into place so nicely. tmr's another gd day to come cus we're missing lect thanks to cny concert in the PAC. woo. then we're having yusheng as a cls. and shopping after school! following tmr is the long wkend! HAHAHA! and guess wha adds on to the list. im writing postcards and oc-ing like NOW, immediately after this entry.

yes, overall today is a happy happy day. but i dont wanna look like an underprivileged kid. HAHA.

i want a tongue and belly piercing,
eileen

screwed up.

2006-01-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

oh my god. my head is cramped with bio. i seriously dont think my head can contain everything. i wonder why did they plan to cramp 4 chaps into one test. its killing me! netball today was not as fun as usual. it kind of like zoomed past. i dint feel like i did anything.

im very excited for grace. hehe. and im so glad i can finally finish the last test of the week tmr and have fun for the long wkend. i think im thinking too much due to boredom. i saw this young girl on the bus dozing off just now. her head was going in all directions la. practically everyone on the bus was staring at her, amused.

recently the wind at night is blasting cold man. even with a sweater on my nails are still purple. i hope tmr turns out fine. feels like im falling sick. must be the weather.

eileen

thought it through.

2006-01-23T00:37:00.000-08:00

monday today! love mondays. no cca, no morning run, no BIO, no PE. WOOHOO. and it ends fricking early. ((: sam and i are in the same shoes. we're both addicted to subway. had my eyebrows trimmed. its like really neat now. lols.

accompanied qing to popular to get duster for the cls. seriously, the job of welfare SUCKS. grace was so sweet today. thanks dear for the really nice postcard. okay maybe its not REALLY nice but its sweet. i felt your love. ((((: and thanks for wanting to share the burden. thanks to qing too, for her contradictory comments which humours me alot.

okay, a silent thks to mei as well. meeting jl later to get sy's present which is really overdue. she better make it. grrr. looking fwd to grace piercing her tongue on thurs, funfunfun on fri, ang baos over the wkend, partying on wed, orientation and beaching next wkend! AH! life is good.

ive got nothing left to say.

xoxoxo,
eileen

dear ___.

2006-01-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

dear ___,
maybe its just me being really eccentric/over sensitive but i feel kind of bad right now. i cant tell the signs at all. are you trying to give me space for my thoughts or is it just that you really cant be bothered at all?

how come when you say its more now wha i feel is its getting lesser? maybe we should all pretend that nothing has happened and just forget abt it all. and if you're not so keen anymore just let me know. i dont wish to be like a fool guessing wha is going on. and really, if i dont matter much to you i dont see the point of getting together.

this sucks,
eileen

friday rocks.

2006-01-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

its finally fri. i cant believe i endured another week of sch. today was kind of like a quiet day cause sam didnt had enough sleep and spent most of the lessons sleeping and wanyi is severely ill, coughing her lungs out.

IM SO GLAD CNY IS ROUND THE CORNER! cus that would mean hols! hee. (((: training today was great, really. although the first team list is out and the three of us are not in it, but i believe we're all still part of the netball team. :D trainings will still be on for ALL of us on fri though. and we have morning runs on tues and thurs. owells, keeping fit is a gd thing.

qing and grace accompanied me to pierce my ear after training. i swear we all smell as bad as the sewage. and we were talking damn loudly on the bus. the whole bus was so quiet, its like everyone's listening to our conversation. it hurts for like ten mins after i pierced it and then it doesnt hurt anymore!! not at all. not one single itsy bitsy bit. WEE. im a happy person this post. (:

i shall write a postcard to qing over the wkend! i forgot to mention about pe. it was FRICKING EXHAUSTING. and can you believe it? some absurd person actually STOLE my fucking shoebag. my SA shoebag. the weird thing is, he stole my shoebag but not my nike court shoes that were inside! i am so angry. now i have to waste money to buy a new one. my sa one is one and only okay. ARGH.

he must be some psycho stalker thats in love with me. hahaha. maybe he stole it and smells it at home. YIKESSSS.

i think i am getting used to it. so right now, i feel a lot better than before although the situation is much the same.

1 dollar 1 dollar, hello 1 dollar.
uncle auntie xiao mei mei bang wo mai tissue paper hao ma?
1 dollar 1 dollar, hello 1 dollar. (soumya makes me GUFFAW!)

i neeeedddd aaaa tttaaannn,
eileen

walau, its like the whole world is in love.

2006-01-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

wah lau, its like the whole world is in love. reality bites hard. ):

i just wrote my first rubbish card! lols. for grace the ace. HAHA. it was a damn RANDOM card. i think this is gonna be a random entry as well. i am so full from the apple. oh yes. laksa yong tau foo gives me the runs. argh. since i ate it i have been running to the toilet everytime food enters my stomach. double blow. )):

we broke record for queue time today. we queued like half an hour before getting our mian xian soup. but it was all worth it. heh. school was okay today cus FINALLY bala's conducting the lect! though the notes were crappy. he printed us the lect slides. and i have no idea why, his lect slides are full of pics and diagrams! like that would help us in our exams.

okay la, shant complain. at least its not the freaky man teaching. heehee. im in sucha pretty mood man. must be the nap i took just now. and maybe cus of the talk i had with jl. she is just so damn good at councilling me la. if not for her, i might still be troubled beyond words now. i'll return the favour by trying to get as many ppl as possible to the party ya. it better be good!

wow wee. netball tmr. I LOVE DRILLS. they are so much fun. but every single muscle from waist down is aching badly. ): there are lotsa ):s in this post but i thought it is one of the happiest post ive posted in weeks. i think its also because i finished my gp hwk that makes me happy as well. or maybe its the reassurance. small things make a big impact.

and by the way you brought me here, it makes me believe the best is still yet to come and i don't want to leave.
forgive my hesitation but i'm learning to trust in you.
help me to dream these dreams because i don't have a clue.
and if you'd be honest and say what you mean
you know i would promise i'd do anything
because i know that without you i'm giving it away.

aww, its exactly how i feel.

eileen

happy day.

2006-01-18T05:11:00.000-08:00

can you believe that they are actually gonna stop all the canteen vendors from selling fried/unhealthy/fattening food? how could they?! now yong tau foo will no longer have youtiao, seaweed chicken, fried wanton. you might as well just ask me not to eat anything. western stall can no longer sell fish and chips and wedges! WEDGES! )))):

anw, today was a relatively good day. lotsa funny shit happened. made all of us laughed alot. netball was okay. it started raining when its about to start. and ann could not make it AGAIN today. there was a substitute coach who does not look like a netballer at all and speaks like a mouse. lols.

chem lect during the last period was a spoiler. my stomach was churning and i really feel like throwing up as i caught wafts of it. BOBOBO. seriously. eeeks. i wanted to start writing pretty postcards/letters to em. hopefully i wont be too lazy. ((: dinner at crystal jade was good! ramen and XIAO LONG BAOS and good company. wha could be better after such a tedious training.

anw, im trying really hard not to be affected by you. but somehow part of me wants to. its contraditory i know. but if im really not affected by anything anymore, then i guess i cant be bothered anymore. wha a pity. i saw how "important" i am, and i thought so whas the point then?

eileen

a gd-turned-out-to-be-a-bad day.

2006-01-16T05:43:00.000-08:00

i was gonna start the entry on a cheerful mode but then i had to receive the sms about morning run tmr. and then my father got to scold my grandmother and things just had to get out of hands. its not because i was scared thats why i chose to stay in the bathroom. i just dont want to indulge in the situation.

anw, today was supposed to be a good day cause i had fun in school being hyperactive due to the lack of sleep. i could not get myself to fall asleep last night. there was just too much running through my head. met jiayi and christine after school. they came right up to the school's gate to pick me up.

took a cab and headed to jiayi's house. wow. its gorgeous. her room is like more spacious than my living room. ate maggi mee and mcnuggets. i was feeling so guilty i decided to abstain from rice during dinner. now i know all of jiayi's deepest secrets. HEEHEE. she actually thought of going to the zoo. and she gave me this set of really cool postcards. i love em!!

another good news was.... THERE IS NO HWK TODAY!

if i gave you everything you asked for, where would you put it?

eileen

shopping glees.

2006-01-15T04:51:00.000-08:00

shopping makes me a gleeful girl. i just burned a big hole in my pocket by buying that skirt. but honestly, it was like the most beautiful thing i've ever seen la. SO YA. after getting it, i have no more money to buy any tops.

ive decided to get back to work after my birthday. two days per week so i have spare cash and extra savings. i'll most likely stop in july or aug to really CHIONG for my As. sch's screwing me up and i should really adjust my body clock back to normal so i'll stop sleeping in lects. and i should start doing my work. argh. its just that i dont feel the tension yet. it still feels so far away.

i have a hard time trying to tell myself you will always be by my side.

eileen

rainy season.

2006-01-11T03:26:00.000-08:00

sam and kris are finally back. they had been away from class for one week as they were facils for orientation. poor creatures. they have got loads of notes to copy and lessons to catch up. had the welcoming ceremony for the j1s today. it was pretty much the same as the one we had last year.

good thing about it was that we get to skip one period of class. whatmore its a lecture. woohoo. the rest of the day just flew by. rushed to far east for a light lunch before heading back to school again for netball. we ate mee sua, kaya toast, chippies fish and chips and half boiled eggs. talk about the big diet plan.

netball trial for the j1s today. ann didnt come so we didnt have training. sad to say there's morning run tmr. OMG. im just so going to die. gotta TRY to sleep early tonight. a handful of the j1s were pretty good. hopefully they decide to commit themselves to netball. haha.

i still feel so unprepared for school. oh yes. i think i wrote the worst essay ever during gp today. he'll most probably read my essay and just die. lols. i was just so tired in school today. i feel asleep while writing the essay, fell asleep during maths lect which is quite rare cus i dont ever sleep during maths. maybe the lack of sleep is accumulating.

if only things were easier,
eileen

nostalgia

2006-01-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

nostalgia hits so hard sometimes. blame it all on the itchy feely hands that clicked on the archives. sigh.

i guess you're right. this is bad for health. funny how hazardous stuff always get you going back to them even more.

i hope you took wha i say seriously. i really think you ought to think through it again thoroughly. is this really wha you want? i dont want you to regret and get us bruised.

hands down,
eileen

sunday morning.

2006-01-08T01:03:00.000-08:00

sunday morning rain is falling.

the rain havent stopped from last night. gets me in this emo mood where i feel like everything's just so down. i dont have anything to blog about. im just at this page because the boredom is getting to me. argh. shopping wasnt fruitful yesterday. i got myself a converse and a stussy top. THATS ALL. its obvious another trip is required isnt it.

i wanna get out of the house but apparently everyone thinks we should just sit our butts at home when its raining. i wonder wha is an umbrella for. i cant wait for tuesday to come. they should just make tmr a holiday as well.

thank you tra for agreeing to have coffee with me despite having no money in your ez link card and would have to WALK to gardens. can i blog about you wanting to walk in the rain with your gf when you have one? HAHA. he is just so cute la.

i love you but i hate you,
eileen

time for something.

2006-01-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

i've never really managed to complete any goals i've set so far in my life. so im determined to meet them this time! i really am! im never known as someone who can perservere eh, this time im quite sure i will. bring it on!

i hate being fickle minded. but sometimes it just cant be helped. i cant really see where you are coming from. you just make me confused most of the time. i dont know why sometimes being with you just makes me feel smaller and smaller until i feel like im disappearing. any thread of confidence just evaporate. seriously, its driving me crazy.

i dont know whether is this who you really are or who you are turning into and whether you are trying hard to turn yourself into someone new but honestly speaking, its disgusting. i might be wrong but the way you are behaving just seems like an act. i hate the way you behave, i hate the way you talk and maybe even the way you think. i have no idea why you want to transform yourself into something you are not, or maybe it was who you really are and the one i actually knew was just a front put up by you. i thought you were different, i thought you were great. but now you just irks me. if you think this is being cool. let me tell you you are going the wrong way.

i hate my new classroom. its just so out of the way. and with the air con removed im most certain i'll feel like im trapped in a jail cell everytime tutorial's on. they should just relocate us! not even one week of school and i feel like i cant cope with it anymore. this is just so screwed.

oh yeah, new yr's eve was one exciting event of the year. i think its the first time ever i got drunk. i was just talking so loudly and laughing ever so often that when i think back i am just so embarrassed of my behavior! but yes, you feel high up there with the great great company. i love you guys!

wha can i say? you just blow my mind off time and again and again and again. SHIT.

eileen

MERRY XMAS!

2005-12-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

so sad i missed saying merry xmas on the blog. anyhow, happy boxing day! met up with the usual clique yesterday. was supposed to have dinner with ze and tra but it turned out that we were all too full for any food. ended up sitting at wisma coffee club express for a long long time while waiting for sy and doug to finish their movie.

decided to have pasta and oh my jesus christ, its the most horrible thing ive ever put inside my mouth i tell you. seriously yucky. took lotsa crap pics with ze with tra being the lousiest photograher in history. haha. took two cabs down to zouk. stayed in winebar til 12 before heading down to liquidroom with jl to meet mei.

winebar was okay. crowd was only starting to come in when we left. got sprayed mercilessly and the stench was unbearable. played games and tra was bitten on both his thigh and arm by the same person. guess who. HAHA. liquid was quite a turnoff. kinda small, somewhat like a box. :/ but okay, dancing was good. though my shoes were seriously killing me. they were almost dumped into the river/canal or whatever that is.

spent alot. im so totally broke. but christmas was cool this year. something different from before. hopefully new yr's eve will be better. im a HAPPY girl. ((((:

"why would you wanna marry me?"
"so i can kiss you anytime i want."
leeeeen

tauhuay chalet.

2005-12-21T23:53:00.000-08:00

i dont know wha the fuck is happening. blogger's main page is in chinese! changing the encoding doesnt help. chalet was a bang. i screamed and laughed so much my voice sounds like a full grown man now. ever so low and HUSKY, but some may think its sexy too. haha.

the guys played indian poker the first night. it was very entertaining. their forfeit was spanking the loser's butt. poor josh lost his first round and was supposed to be spanked by everybody(NOTE: there were around 10 boys playing) but after 4 people hit him they decided to stop cus it was way too sadistic. we played games with ze and bra. forfeit was damn cruel. sy gotta act as king kong in front of a group of strangers and sing to another guy, whom we stopped while he was walking. ze gotta shake his ass, VIGOROUSLY.

took lotsa pics and had fun drinking and talking shit. AH. time always fly when you're having fun. this yr's chalet was not a bang only because of all the fun we had but also because of the effort i saw alot of us putting in. though we were busy like honey bees we made time for it. no complains whatsoever. despite trainings, weddings and all the stuff we still came. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

maybe this yr's the last one, or maybe next yr will be. but whatever it is, i'll never forget the wonderful times we had! come ten twenty thirty years i'll never this splendid group of friends. maybe i'll end off this with a video. if i can get it up here. oh yes, i blogged LIK! not lazy. (:

i slept with a smile on,
leen

make me pure.

2005-12-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

i got a ton of selfish genes and lazy bones so i think i wont bother blogging about the mawai camp. seriously, just the sound of it gives me the creeps man. tsk. i'll just leave the regurgitation of the series of events to my report. though day by day my memory of it is fading away.

im saving up well enough to afford my ipod. i just wish u.alan will agree to paying half of it so at least some of my hard earned cash goes to my bank account. ive been spending big. sigh. work's been great though really tiring. spotted a new eye candy. like finally after a month though he's not in my outlet and he's not my race. but yes, tres cute. (:

had dinner with christine today. just two of us but we had pork, fish, prawns. aye. talk about dieting, eliminating those spare tyres. in my dreams maybe. headed down to winebar. yes i know, i had the same thought as well. isnt it bored to work there and head there to chill as well when you're not working. but hey, who could reject one for one drinks man. met jiayi who was cursing though she was late.

drank tons and got myself giddy like fuck. but five ten with them was FUN. chill again somewhere else some other time. i cant tell you how lazy i am to update this blog. but who cares, noone reads anyway from the speed my tags are moving.

i blogged and i cant tell you how proud i am of myself. i conquered sex on the beach, apple shooters, illusion, cowboy, malibu pineapple, lychee martini, tiger, hoegarden in one night. HOW PROUD.

such irony really,
eileen

MIA

2005-11-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

work's cool. and my pay is being depleted like water. oh well, i will try to save some as soon as my desires are satisfied. there's just so many things i wanna get. anyway, the workshop on sun was so screwed. there werent enough chairs. and the aunties start picking on this poor woman who had brought her young daughter along.

i fell down after work on sat. it was so embarrassing. i was rushing to deli to get my food cause i was fungry when i slipped on a pool of water. i was damn lucky lulu didnt witness it or i'll be teased mercilessly. now my knees are hurting like fuck. sat was the first time i buy dinner for the crew as well. it took us quite a long time but it was not that bad cause he was carrying most of the food. haha.

the coffee tasting thing was totally blasted on the first day. draggy and all, we were only seated like one and a half hr after we reported. so they increased our incentives by ten bucks. (: most of the coffee were seriously unfit for human consumption and we fed ourselves generously with the biscuits. by the end of each session we were bloated beyond words.

i cant remember wha i want to say,
eileen

the other side of the story.

2005-11-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

op dry run was a drag today. spent a whole lot of time on the Q&A session, outburst of crossfires, how exciting. sadly, my volume is still below expectation. i thought i was loud but apparently its only me who think so. haha. had mealworms nacho with salsa dip, i couldnt help feeling slightly disgusted at the thought of worm remains caught in between my teeth.

i had subway melt for lunch today. it was satisfying. i've discovered two new categories to place food under. one, filling but not satisfying, e.g. fareast chicken rice. two, filling and satisfying, e.g. subway! i came to realise something new about me today as well. i honestly cant handle money well. all that comes within my reach is grabbed and spent within 3 seconds. wanyi, there's a difference between IMPULSIVE and DECISIVE.

went for the facil interview today. it was damn scary. seriously, graham scares me. haha. but it was hilarious watching wanyi trying to memorise the sch song. she took eons to memorise it but she still got it wrong eventually. she seem to have a fetish for "in which", "the", adding them abruptly into the song. she got the song stuck in our heads.

im troubling over black shoes to wear for work tomorrow. the kitten heels are gonna kill me if i wear them for ten bloody hours. i need to stop the horrid habit, im balding, no joke. a new wishlist is on its way.

bridge over troubled waters,
eileen

zouked out.

2005-11-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

work was fine and it would get better as i know the guys better and enhances my product knowledge. it was packed last night, but i know fri would be worse. since im a rookie, was told to skip fri for they dont have time to guide me.

i was seriously zonked out by 4am. i was the youngest there, but it certainly doesnt seem to be. they all look damn young. most interesting fact i learnt so far, nobody in the right mind order kahlua tonic. (:

waited for the transport bus til about 5 plus and its still not in sight. so i went home with auntie in a cab. the 1 odd hr was not wasted though. i had fun talking to the guys which i have no chance to at all during working hr. yes, its really that busy.

i totally understand what is meant by hard earned money now. cant wait for sat.

i need black shoes,
eileen

once upon a time.

2005-10-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, i thought counseling cant make things better. for me, at least. i thought i knew all that i needed to know, i thought all the advice that could be given are cliche. i thought i was so mature to be able to handle it so well. how wrong had i been, for it was not how mature i am that pulled me through, but instead how young and ignorant i was then.

i was capable of going through the whirlwind of events. thinking back now, all i could remember was a blur of faces, events. when candidate A couldnt make it B came into the picture very soon after. too soon after. but then eventually she settled for him. i thought it was happily ever after. but i was wrong.

secretly i sympathised those who had their views altered after such drama in their families. i thought then that would never happen to me. i had no idea in a discreet manner it already had. how do you describe the feeling when what you thought was real for as long as you can remember turn out to be a facade after all? its like i have to build everything up again.

now im left confused. what is real and what is not? im not that sure anymore. it doesnt help that the only one i can pour my heart to is you. i dont know what you mean to me. the love's not there, but why do i miss you so in times of desperation? but then you never know, everything's unsure.

i long for someone who would say those words i long to hear, hold me in his arms the way i want to be held. but then again how long have i searched in vain? in times like this who could listen, comfort me with silence and love me all the same if not more?

the times i've asked why is it that i have to go through all these while majority of others dont are countless. each time i'd console myself that everything happens for a reason. mishaps happen just so precious lesson is learnt. but then when it happens time and again, the consolation just seem lame.

there are times you feel like you are all alone no matter who is there,
eileen

shit!

2005-10-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

im damn pissed and upset right now. my arm is hurting fucking badly. thanks to the jab i got. i was cheated okay, CHEATED. i took my jab in pri 6 which is still within 5 years but he make me take it again and ensured me ITS NOT GOING TO HURT. but it DID, and still DOES and im depressed. it didnt helped that qing walloped my arm with her fist, palm and shoulder. think thin, sharp shoulders.

and then i wasted my time reading nonsense blogs. i mean blog, alot of entries on that one blog. which makes me really hungry cause it featured lots of food. so i ate like four chicken wings including other dishes during dinner. chocs were gobbled after that. Brown&Haley almond roca just gives you that soul meets body feeling with every bite.

you might think my day end up great after all with the good food. thats where you go WRONG. cause the fucking sharp foil got to cut my lip. to be exact, right smack in the middle of my upper lip. so now, I CANT SMILE.

jesus, today's been bad enough. i hope tomorrow turns out fabulous. please, dont make him walk by me tmr, saying hi while i just stone back. i cant freaking smile. GODDAMMIT! what did i do to deserve this. i know i shouldnt not have eaten the second roca but its only human to err. i dont care if this entry makes me sound like i have really serious issues. I DONT. i mean, what do you consider serious? haha.

sch ends at 1 tmr. whoppee. can we drown those mealworms with alcohol and dip them in chocolate? i love the way my brain work. hmm, most of the time. cooking course this friday. WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE.

oh, how could i almost forget to include this piece of joyful news. CONGRATS GRACE YOU MADE IT. i'll do my part and try to remind you to study hard.

emptiness always creep in on such a weather. damn the weather. damn damn damn.

anybody please, free me,
eileen